Rational Madness

I am Mine

2007-04-16T22:38:00.000-05:00

I AM MINE
Pearl Jam

The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

The North is to South what the clock is to time
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere life
I know I was born and I know that I'll die
The in between is mine
I am mine

And the feeling, it gets left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide...
We're safe tonight

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's crying
The full moon is looking for friends at high tide
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied
I only know my mind
I am mine

And the meaning, it gets left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide...
We're safe tonight

And the feelings that get left behind
All the innocents broken with lies
Significance, between the lines
(We may need to hide)

And the meanings that get left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
We're all different behind the eyes
There's no need to hide

***
That Eddie Vedder is a literary genius. Where the hell is he, anyway?

That I'm not listening to current music is a blessing to me. At least, I get to wallow in Old rock (like this one)that has meaning and is introspective. What you hear these days is a bunch of crap about s*x, violence, murder. That's music? Shizz. This here is Emo, long before emo started. But it's hard rock. Take that!

I don't like to take crap from musicians who can't even truly carry out a tune much less write a stanza or two. And that's what you mostly get nowadays. Back in the mid-90's, music was a fever and it was contagious. These days, Music is like gonnorrhea. You get infected when you consent to it. And I heard there's a strain that has no cure. Hell, I don't want THAT.

Literary Crack Cocaine

2007-04-07T11:10:00.000-05:00

I've been absorbed at work the past few days but I've allowed myself the luxury of reading Christopher Pike's newest book, Falling.

I am a huuuuuuuuge Pike fan. I have almost all of his YA books save for five (which I'm gonna get soon). That's what, 60 books? So you can say I'm obsessed with his books, to which I'll retort, "So frikkin what?!"

"Literary crack cocaine" is what one review called the book, Falling and they kid you not. This is an amazing suspense thriller. The plot is well-weaved and you won't be able to help but keep turning the page. There's a number of plausible criminal plots involved in the book, which makes me wonder if Pike isn't actually a criminal himself. (Ha! I'm sorry, that was written in jest.) Best of all, the characters have so much depth in them they stirred me to the core.

I think Pike's best gift is character development. He is able to capture emotion, inner demons and human weaknesses, lump it and throw it at a reader like me. And now I'm stripped senseless. I couldn't help bawling at Kelly Feinman's inner struggles and believe it or not, like Kelly, I too felt a bit of sympathy towards the Acid Man himself. I also couldn't help but feel hatred towards Amy, just like Matt Connor and I have found myself in a moral dilemma when I accepted and swallowed whole the reasons of the criminal mind.

I'm sure I'm biased to a degree. This is, after all, Christopher Pike. I have been reading Pike since I was in 5th grade and I have been rereading his older books over the years. I love every one of them; some way more than others. I have witnessed his books' transition from plain murder mystery (Final Friends series) to New Age (Remember Me Series), to evil thrillers (The Last Vampire series),to completely alien (The Tachyon Web) and now to more Adult-oriented books. His high school characters have grown up, as he has gotten older. He cannot very well write about High School problems now that he's probably in his 50's so it's just apt that he has ventured into general fiction for a more mature audience. He's been dying to write about sex since way back when (haha!) and since his YA books couldn't have a lot of "action", at least now he has the freedom. Thank Goodness he hasn't gone into every blessed detail though, a mention here and there and it's just enough.

Falling will keep you falling into the deep, dark abyss that is Christopher Pike's world. And when you have touched the ground and realized you're still in your room just holding a book, you'll find yourself disappointed that the fantasy had to end. I certainly wanted to know more but I unless I find some fan-fiction sequels (or unless I make one up myself) Matt Connor and Kelly Feinman will just live on in my imagination. Talk about getting high on literary crack cocaine!

P.S. I'm not sure if it's available in the Philippines. Our local Barnes and Noble had to order my copy from another store for me. But if you get the chance, spill the thousand bucks or so coz you won't regret it.

P.P.S. I seem to be doing a lot of these postscripts but I just want to tell you about The Blind Mirror. That's the Pike made before Falling. Man, was that book a page turner... I couldn't put it down coz I wanted to know what happens next! But you have to be pretty open minded to swallow that whole thing in one gulp. Still, a great read.

Gore, Love, Inncocence.

2007-03-15T10:54:00.000-05:00

Gore, Love, Innocence.

I've been making good use of my time lately by reading books and watching a lot of good movies. And here I just want to blab away at the movies that have made me think lately...

1. 300- I personally do not like gory films, I don't like violent upheavals and wars and I especially don't like it when animals are at stake. But this is just singularly spectacular. I never thought I'd like it. Okay, it's a big deal that the Spartan men are sexy and hunky but Gerard Butler (Phantom of the Opera) as King Leonidas is ammmmazing! He's strong and powerful and it's not hard to believe him to be Spartan rather than Scottish. And tha abs on this movie.. wa-hey, ladies! The blood and gore for the men, and the abs and pretty Spartans for the ladies and this R rated movie will sell millions! Anyways, the story itself is intruiging that it made me research about the war of Thermoplyae (Greek-Persian war) and the stories of King Leonidas and even Xerxes. The dude who plays Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) is actually a good-looking fella in real life. Watch him in Love, Actually.

2. Love, Actually- I watched this maybe two years ago and I didn't like it. But recently I've come across fans raving about this movie so okay, I thought I'll give it another go. And this time, I loved it! There are eight love angles to follow in this movie but the transitions are smooth, and we find out later that their lives are intertwined. There's a horde of British superstars in this ensemble cast and there are some who stood out more than others.

The thing that confused me and made love this movie are Emma Thompson as Karen and Alan Rickman as Harry. She's a great actress, he's an outstanding actor and as husband and wife, you feel their "dwindling" chemistry and understand that it is possible he could fall for the slut of a homewrecker Mia(Heike Makatsch). That ho seduced him to no end and he would have readily caved in had his wife not talked to him that she knew of the impending affair. There's a question here whether he did cheat or not. Personally, I don't think he did because the skank was left cold and blue on that Christmas night when she thought he would be coming to her. Still the relationship of husband and wife was strained since then. Let this be a lesson to all you idiots who cheat on your wives!

I also like Mark's (Andrew Lincoln) story because it's very touching. Imagine loving someone from afar, that's hard. Harder still, that she is your best friend's wife.

P.S. I love Colin Firth in this one coz his character is so tender and he finds love even though there's a language barrier between them.

3. Malena- Here's a language barrier I had to endure. Thank Goodness for subtitles! It's a beautiful story of a beautiful woman and the child whose innocence she plucked unknowingly. Monica Bellucci is beautiful and she rarely speaks in this film but you can understand all that she is through Renato's eyes. Much of her beautiful body is revealed in this movie (darn that horny boy!) but she's beautiful so it's not like you'll puke after seeing the nude scenes.

There. There's more movies that I'd like to review but I'm itching to get back to Mr. Darcy and Pemberly. ;D Pamela Aidan did Jane Austen justice. Permit me to recommend Fitzwilliam Darcy, A Gentleman to you. But get books 1 and 3. Skip book 2 if you're a Pride and Prejudice purist.

2007-03-07T12:12:00.000-06:00

Foodtrippin' Part 2

SM Mall of Asia South Wing

Okay, I'm on a no rice diet for a week on account of my pants are borderline too fit... which makes me delusional about my weight (I'm so not anorexic, just want to maintain my ideal weight, Thank you very much!)... which makes me think about eating healthily... which makes me think more about food. Ergo, this post.

Oh, I miss Pinoy-made food. I don't care which country the food originated from, if it's in the Philippines, it's delish! Here, you can make adobo with Silver swan, Datu Puti and organic meat and vegetables and still never get the same precious taste of the ones made in the Philippines. Hmm.. must be the pollution.

Anywho, try these places on for size if you're hungry and can gobble a meal guilt-free...

1. Shakey's Pizza. I lurrve this place. This is probably where Vincent and I go the most. Why? We order the same thing every time: Bunch of Lunch. For P110, you get a slice of pizza, a good portion of chicken, 3 mojo potatoes, spaghetti and garlic bread. Yummers. Then we order another round of Mojos with caesar dip. Mmm mmm. Unlike the Shakey's at Glorietta, this branch seems to follow their standard. The mojos are often warm and the chicken is often huge. Downside? The place is extremely small.

2. Chef D'Angelo. Technically this is in the Main mall but it's facing south so what the heck. Huge portions, good food, good price. Plus is you have an SM Advantage card and you order p500 worth of food, you get a free shrimp caesar salad. They don't scrimp on the shrimp so lurrrve it. Pizza is a bargain too. Place is on the smaller side. But you can always eat alfresco.

3. Stars and Stripes. 2nd floor. American diner? Check! Real beef? Check! Yummilicious food? Check! Ohh lala. The burger here is amazing. Real, thick beefy goodness. I tried the bacon cheeseburger and man, was that good. With a huge side of fries, you're good to go! Vincent ordered Fried chicken though and that was a letdown. Small portion and the gravy isn't to die for. It's a bit pricey here. Around P200 for a good meal.

4. Kenny Rogers' Roasters. I wonder why Kenny's Roasters is a laughingstock round these parts of America. Maybe they haven't tried Kenny's roasted chicken with a side of corn and carrots. Coz that's my favorite from this place. Solo A. But a note to the novice, don't get any of their salads. I've tried the salad at Megamall, Glorietta, Roxas Blvd and they don't seem to reconcile with the word "fresh". Lettuces are brown on the side and tomatoes are soggy. Yeulch. But the chicken is great.

5. Plato Platina. We got enticed to eat here because they have a Merienda buffet for a cheap price (I forget but it's between P150 to 250) . You can eat any pizza, pasta or sandwich on their merienda menu--which we later found out wasn't a lot. And the food doesn't taste that great. They all taste like olive oil. You're better off eating merienda at Cabalen. They, too, have a merienda buffet. Skip this place.

6. Tokyo, Tokyo. Boys love this place because of the "Kanin all you can" promo. I love this place because of the Chicken Teriyaki that even my cousin Isabel could never forget, even if her Tokyo Tokyo experience was maybe 10 years ago. The teriyaki sauce is great! Yummerz! And it's great with the bean sprouts (toge). The sumo meals aren't that good but a lot of people like 'em. Don't know why. The tonkatsu seems too dry. But hey. They refill the sauce so that's a bonus point to un-dry the pork.

Okay so it's lunch time here. I'm hungry as hell. But no rice. Darn. Some other time, we'll talk about the other restos in this huge mall. Some later time, I'll write about all the other restos worth writing about. So long. Bon Appetit!

2007-03-02T12:00:00.000-06:00

Mall Tycoons

I came across this very interesting list on msn.com last night. It's about the 10 biggest malls in the world. In 1994, back when I had my first ever copy of the Guinness Book of World Records, the biggest mall in the world was in Canada. This year, that mall has gone down to Number 4 in the list. Eight of biggest malls in the world now rises in Asia, and shocker of shockers, three of those are in the Philippines!

Check this out (square footage is relative to available retail space):

1. South China Mall (2005, China) 7.1 Million square feet

2. Golden Resources Shopping Mall (2004, China) 6M sq.ft.

3. SM Mall of Asia (2006, Philippines) 4.2 M sq.ft.

4. West Edmonton Mall (1981, Canada) 3.8 M sq. ft.

5. SM Megamall (1991, Philippines) 3.6 M sq. ft.

6. Berjaya Times Square (2005, Malaysia) 3.4 M sq. ft.

7. Beijing Mall (2005, China) 3.4 M sq. ft.

8. Zhengjia Plaza (2005, China) 3 M sq. ft.

9. SM City North Edsa (1985, Philippines) 3 M sq. ft.

10.King of Prussia Mall (1962, USA) 2.8 M sq. ft.

From the abovementioned information, you might start thinking these trivial thoughts as I have:

1. My, China is obsessed with trade and retail. Even with a whole horde of Chinese retailers conquering Divisoria and tiangges, they still have more to sell in their own country!

2. Wow, it looks like the Philippines has a booming economy. What with three of the largest malls in the world cramped in our teeny weeny island paradise.

3. What, no competition from America? Where's American capitalism when you need it?

Then I come to my senses and realize...

1. Well, China is relaxing their grip a bit, especially since the Olympics is at hand and they expect tourists to storm their malls. And yes, I still think they're obsessed businessmen. For the good of the country, of course.

2. Come to think of it, it's not the Philippines that has a booming economy. It's Henry Sy, the owner and developer of the SM super malls. He's the only one playing reality-based Mall Tycoon here. He's the sole reason the Philippines is on the list. Let's not fail to mention he's part Chinese, ergo he may well be an obsessed businessman himself.

3. I am stumped on the third issue. But I'm sure Americans will be doing something about this! China cannot beat them at this game! They invented the frikkin' game!

Let's stand by. I'm sure this will get down and dirty... And for that matter, since Henry Sy claimed that Mall of Asia was gonna be the biggest in Asia, (clearly it isn't), I'm sure he'll reclaim another part of the Pacific Ocean or the South China Sea to build the Mall of malls of the entire Universe. Next year, let's wait for the next rising building in the galaxy!

Food Trippin'

2007-02-28T21:17:00.000-06:00

Food Trippin' Part 1

I love food. And I love malls. Food in the malls is even better. After the hustle and bustle of intense shopping, I get tired and hungry. So I love eating especially after shopping. With the recent opening of the SM Mall of Asia, it wasn't hard to just go food tripping with my beau or by myself. Here's my own food/restaurant review. Enjoy...

Fastfoods in the Up front and Center of MOA:

Jollibee, KFC, Greenwich,Chowking and McDonald's. Don't even think of coming here during the weekends especially during lunch or dinner because it's always expectedly full. The lines are long and often, you have to wait for people to finish up before you can have a seat...or have other people wait by your side. Which is more irritating, really?

Yet, these fastfood restos have the cheapest food here--and most reliable. Jollibee's spaghetti and Chicken Joy, KFC's hotshots and Zinger, Greenwich's pizza buffet, Chowking's merienda chicken noodle soup and Mc Donald's fries. Yum yum!!! So it's your choice.

Up front, there's also the French Baker and Chicken Inasal. Not always full but their food is a bit pricier.

But then you can also try Pizza Hut Bistro for your fix of ambience and expensive pizza. I like Bistro especially because of the ambience but the food isn't really that great. I get better buffalo chicken and steak at Stars and Stripes and pizza's better and cheaper at Chef D'Angelo's. But hey. Sometimes, you crave for the oily, meaty goodness of Pizza Hut's thick crust pizzas.

You can also try Aristocrat. I have never tried eating here because 1. They have a bad rep for being overpriced (portion over price ratio) 2. I just don't like it.

Environmental Change

2007-02-13T23:48:00.000-06:00

I just felt I needed a change of environment. No Friendster for a while for me. Feng shui could really help my current disposition but I don't know anyone here who does feng shui, so swell. I hope you like my new skin... Me likey! It's tedious but I think it's cool.

Don't forget to scroll to the right. You'll see my friends' and pets' pics there.

Oh, it's Valentine's day. Boo hoo. Happy Valentine's all! I'm waiting till after Valentine's when all pink candies are on sale. Hah!

Strawberry Chocolate, yum yum yum!!!

2007-02-11T23:03:00.000-06:00

I'm mad! I'm obsessed! I can't sleep! This phone is making me go maaaaaaaad!!!
Isn't she a beauty? She's called an LG Chocolate phone in Strawberry flavor. She's a sweet little thing. She makes me glad I didn't bother to buy an mp3 player or an ipod when everybody else was buying those because she... is... the... whole package...

She's an mp3 player and a camera and a phone. And she is just a beauty! Sigh... My current obsession with Full House and anything Korean is only coincidental to the fact that this beauty is made in Korea. So slap me! :D

She is making me think twice about dropping T-mobile and going to Verizon wireless. She is making me join the non-prepaid bandwagon (them who have no problem getting attached to their service providers). She is making me shed money that should ideally be sleeping soundly in the bank... She is making me go bonkers, I tell ye!

Even with the Blackberry's superior specs over her, even with the Motokrzr's more relative utility (and cheaper price) over her... oh my Strawberry Chocolate makes me weak at the knees...!

Kasalan na!

2006-12-28T10:51:00.000-06:00

(Disclaimer: I won't feed you the summary here, go watch the frikkin movie and help the movie industry! On that note, enjoy!)

I have read the screenplay of "Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo" a looong time ago and wondered immensely why it hasn't been picked up by a studio yet. Now it may have been a great decision to shelve it for a while and wait for this exact moment. Because right now, Judy Anne Santos has matured, couple that with her genuine chemistry with her boyfriend, Ryan Agoncillo and an absolutely adorable supporting cast with a good soundtrack to boot and hell yeah, to show it NOW is a great decision.

Not to belittle director and writer Joey Reyes, but to be blunt, the story of "Kasal..." is ordinary. There's really nothing new about it. There's no new concept here, no new visual effects. It's so ordinary that it's easy to get lost in the story and find yourself in the situation that the characters are in. It's so ordinary, it's actually a reflection of couples all over the world. It's the universal truth of coupling, uncoupling and the intricacies of relationships that make this story work.

While the story is ordinary, the film is superb. The narration is crisp, the flow is unhampered (save for the fact that you know the chronology, so you know it's going to be long at times), the characters have a life all their own and the dialogue is just hilarious! The ordinary story is presented in such a way that you journey with the characters and live their married life, too!

I am not a fan of Judy Anne Santos' but I think she is a good actress and I am glad she played the part of Angie. A lesser actress would have been disastrous. (Thank God, and Joey Reyes, that Kris Aquino wasn't cast!!!) In this movie, Judy Anne became Angie, one of the better-written characters in Philippine TV and movie history! I am so glad that we are finally getting empowered women portrayed in movies. Angie is strong, strong-willed, she's got her own ideals and she's got balls, man! I've never been so happy to see her kick Ryan Agoncillo's character repeatedly--albeit in the shin. It's a delightful experience.

Now, Ryan, I'm surprised is actually effortless. Short of probably playing himself, he's as natural as they go. And of course, my other favorite character is Gina Pareno's Pilita. She is not just an excuse for comic relief, she is the epitome of the ultimate "Wag-mo-ko-apihin-porke-mahirap-ako-mas-magaling-yata-ako-sa-yo!" Pinoy. Admit it, we all have that complex. When we get insecure we first wallow in self-pity then a second later, we bounce back. Or is it just me?

Ha-ha! Long story short, "Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo" is money well-spent. I haven't seen any of the other Metro Manila Filmfest entries but I'm sure I wasn't shortchanged when I decided to see this. People were laughing and clapping all throughout the movie, isn't that proof enough?

She Wants To Be ME

2006-11-24T10:35:00.000-06:00

can't eat
can't sleep
can't think
can't think rationally
she looks in the mirror
and she
wants to be me.

can't walk
can't talk
can't stand
can't stand alone
she sees her reflection
and she
wants to be me.

she lies
she cries
she crawls
she pretends to be strong
confronted with the truth
and she
wants to be me.

she steals
she reels
she falls
she has fallen prey
now dying, left in the gutter
Oh! how she
wants to be me.

To Be Me
Nov 23, 2006

***

I'm not being egotistic here. It's simply the truth. Somewhere some undignified ho in some part of the universe is craving what she can never have and can never be. It's a pity to wallow in illusion and use it as a weapon. It only leads to self-destruction. It's sad, actually, that when you're in over your head with disgrace, you'll have to summon your inner strength to get over it. It usually doesn't happen. It's called "karma".

Negative Chi

2006-11-03T11:19:00.000-06:00

Feng Shui has never really touched this room I now occupy.It must be the negative chi that brings me negative thoughts. Whatever I try to do, negativity has been my constant companion. Not nearly my true enemy, more a worthy foe. I wish I could pretend that the room lights up when I walk in. But I am always filled with dark foreboding. It is me. And I find myself glad today for the acknowledgment that negativity has brought me inspiration... ergo, most of my poems and stories are dark. But from this sprouts something positive: relief that I have not met my end as a writer.

***

here i find myself again
against my better judgment
mentally waging a war against myself
selfishly listening to my own quiet histrionics
Nixing any notion to cease and desist
systematically poring over arguments
mentioning nothing of my sanity..
Teacups break from my brittle hands
Handsome reflections no longer survive
I've gone a long, edgy, seedy way
wading in the mud as I go
Gone now is the man I used to be
Beyond it, gone is the man I would have been
Beneath it, the man I am--
A mere mortal battling with himself
self-centeredly praying for that twilight.
lightning in the sky,
then waning with the moon
I go.

Below the Horizon

Kerrie

Tribute to the Dolphins

2006-09-22T06:33:00.000-05:00

Natalo man ang PCU Dolphins sa NCAA championships, hindi maikakaila na maganda talaga ang Game 3 ng Finalskanina. Sayang lang di pumabor sa Dolphins. Mas maganda sana hehe para makatikim man lang ng konting humility etong San Beda. Tsk. Minsan na lang ako manood ng basketball talo pa. Tsk.

Ang galing talaga ng athleticism ni Jason Castro. Reminds me of Bal
David during the latter's rookie days in the PBA. Parang lamok yun sa bilis. Si Castro parang lamok na may dalang fly swatter dahil sa galing manapik ng bola. You've gotta give props to this guy for single-handedly trying to play fireman to trim San Beda's 20-pt lead at the start of the 4th quarter. Hindi ko na nga pinanood yung 3rd quarter kasi naiinis na ako kay Yousif Aljamal ng San Beda. Pogi sana pero pinapatay kami ni Aljamal sa mga shot niya. Buti na lang natameme sila ng bahagya sa 4th quarter.

I wonder whatever happened to Gabby Espinas today? He just didn't make as much of an impact as I thought he would. But what can he do, right? He can only play his game and the rest will be up to bad luck on San Beda's part. Sinwerte lang ang San Beda dahil kakampi nila ang shot clock pero kung marami pang oras, kahindik-hindik na katahimikan ang mapapala ng mga nakapula sa Araneta Coliseum.

Speaking of which, binili ba ni Manny Pangilinan ang buong Araneta para punuin ng mga nakapula? Or walang pambili ng ticket ang mga pobreng taga PCU? I highly doubt the latter. I think we weren't given enough time and chance to fill our side of the arena. Mas maraming Bedans, mas mayaman ang ABS CBN dahil mas maraming manonood.

Anyways, sa tingin ko, mas mabuti pang matalo ng mga 5 pts kesa sa 1 pt lang ang lamang. Nakakahinayang kasi... There's always a next time, right? I hope next year the rest of the NCAA teams will have found an answer to Sam Ekwe especially since Gabby Espinas will no longer be there.

You know what I really think? This is win is ultimately a thank you note to their scouting team. If only PCU will scout as well next year, then we'll give them another run for their money.

Go Dolphins Fight!

The Way of the Polar Bear

2006-09-19T00:41:00.000-05:00

I'm suddenly back in high school, bact to hibernation mode. Oh well, sometimes non-action is good... But it gives me the goshdarn migraine attacks! I haven't had migraine in a loooong time and this inutility has welcomed it.

I fear I'm going bald. I fear I'm going to go blind. I've been seeing these floaters and flashes in my eyes that could well be retinal damage, if I'm to trust my hypochondriac instinct. I need to do something but these eyes prevent me from going anywhere and doing anything productive. This is probably the most unproductive year of my adult life. This frikkin sucks.
***

I wrote a poem because I dreamt I was held hostage somewhere and all I've got was my tiny tiny swiss knife that I got as a freebie from Clair's.

Arrested by silence
Poor prisoner of the dark
Days no longer visit
The sun has lost its spark
A victim of desolation
Hopeless nights of fear
A recluse in the corner
Whose future isn't clear.
You cry of endless sorrow
You swim in piercing pain
You close your eyes for refuge
But even dreams are stained.
You listen to the music
Of your palpitation, and labored breath
Tomorrow brings no mercy
Only the foul stench of death.
Best you kneel in prayer
To a god who wouldn't listen
Than to wait every agonizing moment
Till they come to spell the end.

Dead Man Walking
Sept 13, 2006

The Hallmark Conspiracy

2006-09-03T13:06:00.000-05:00

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... For if you sit down and count the cost, well, there's no profit at all." The first line is a famous quotation and an Irish band called Del Amitri turned it into a song and they added the second line. So, is it true?

I honestly do not know what the fuss is about romance. Kill me if you must but do it after I have asked my question. What is romantic love rather than a hyperbole of emotions that will fade after the next few minutes? People who are in love get starry-eyed when they meet that somebody but when the rose-colored glass gets broken, they are left with a stark realization of the truth. It was a mirage. Love and romance is the essence of mind over matter. If you will it, you get it. Get it?

Say you define yourself as in love at the moment. You will do anything in your power to justify your feeling. Things will look better, days brighter, you will look like you've had the best shower of your life--and smell it too. The Bhuddist monks think they can prove the immense power of the mind by starving themselves for days on end by meditating. What they don't know is that they only need to be in love and they've got proof. What was ugly before now looks beautiful. The shady characters now have color. All because people want it to be that way.

Why do I say this is all about mind? Why not? What's the heart got to do with it anyways? It's a pumping machine. Your hypothalamus is in your brain. Now I'm no medical science expert but I think some people are just more predisposed to hypothalamus malfunction. That explains polygamy, depression and whatnot.

What is love but a big ball of garbage designed by Hallmark to make profit on Valentine's day. Ask people how they define love and they can't put two articulate words together. Suddenly, they have lost all vocabulary and turn to the one word that will disguise their problem: Indescribable. My arse.

I don't care for love, to tell the truth. I would much rather have respect and be respected. I would much rather have loyalty and commitment. I would much rather have honest friendship. All that will turn to one big ball of something when we turn 80 and can't say those three words that too many people wish they would hear but never actually say. Love, it fades. Friendship, that's forever.

P.S. Admittedly, if you read a Hallmark card, it looks much better to read, "I love you" than "I respect you". So just for the heck of it, much love to all you peeps who disagree with me!

I've been found!

2006-08-06T07:39:00.000-05:00

ano baaa??? bakit nawala ang free internet ko??? haaay. ito ang dahilan kung bakit ngayon lang ako nakapagpost. di bale pag sinipag na ako pagkukwentuhan natin ang White Lady at Sukob. Halaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Double Whammy

2006-07-25T07:06:00.000-05:00

At the recent Miss Universe pageant, when asked about her weakness, Miss USA answers,
"I wear my heart on my shoulder... that keeps me humble."

A fine illustration of the American way of going a-la Melanie Marquez. Quoting a well-known saying or using idioms require that you at least remember the words to express what you mean correctly. According to the idiomatic expression, you "wear your heart on your sleeves" meaning you openly show your emotions. I think she got confused with the other expression, where she might have said she has a good "head on her shoulders" which means she's got some smarts.

And the icing on the cake... to say that you are humble means you're not humble at all.

And that makes you the 4th runner up, Miss USA.

P.S. Forgive me for saying that I believe the reason Miss Philippines won the Miss Photogenic is because a lot of Filipinos voted for her over the internet. Not really because she's the most photogenic among all. By the by her win makes the Philippines the country with the most Miss Photogenic winners. The country also won last year.

Battle of the Bulge

2006-07-13T07:48:00.000-05:00

Watching Animal Planet last night, I came across the show "Most Extreme Diets in the Animal Kingdom". There, they featured the Emperor Penguins (of March of the Penguins fame) that can go 3 months without eating while they are rearing their young. Salmon that can go 6 months starving just to mate... and the number 1, the tiny common tick (garapata), species of which have been recorded to have gone as much as 18 years waiting for food! Talk about Juan Tamad waiting for food to come by.

Anyways, interpolated in the said show were comparisons to humans. Like, how would a human endure such a diet etc. We can't of course, live 18 years without eating or drinking. Three days and our body would literally eat ourselves alive by taking on the proteins and fat from our organs.

But the most disturbing thing about the show was actually not the sight of a bloodsucking tick that has grown ickily the size of a raisin because it's full of blood. The most disturbing thing was how humans have come a long way when it comes to dieting in a quest to get thinner.

The Atkins diet has been inserted in Mc Donald's salads. Versions of the South Beach Diet has been proliferating in menus in certain restaurants. Watch Home TV Shopping and you're bound to see perhaps 50% of products devoted to trimming the human slob.

But did you know that in the 1920s, when women were obsessed with becoming flapper dancers, women resorted to a different sort of "diet". They took pills then too. But unlike Xenical, which would lead to several trips to the toilet, they took in a different sort of pill... One that's ickier than ticks. Doctors gave these women a pill that was infused with tape worm eggs! You know what your momma told you when you were young? You were thin because you've got worms in your tummy. Well, that was literally making them thin-- worms! The downside is that, the worms eventually got to be as long as 20 inches and were literally eating their insides! YEULLLCHHH!!!!

I would rather have a healthy bulge than play hostess to a bunch of worms that would eventually make its way out of my body through some hole (like wounds, nose, ears etc.) Why don't we do what penguins do? According to study, drinking cold water could burn energy without altering our daily diet. Why? Because it takes energy to turn the cold water into warm water. Simple. That's why penguins eat snow during mating season... which actually makes them a little thinner. But hey, if you're hungry... EAT!

Thank God It's Friday!

2006-07-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

Minsan lang akong gumimik. I'm a night creature, pero hindi ko hilig gumimik. Ayoko ng disco dahil hindi ako marunong sumayaw. Ayoko ng mga bars kasi hindi ako umiinom at nasu-suffocate ako sa usok ng sigarilyo. At paranoid ako sa kasabihang second-hand smoke is an even more lethal killer than actual smoking.

Anyways, dahil andito ang pinsan kong si Michalis, nagpasya kaming gumimik. Ako, ang ate ko si Michelle, at pinsang sina Kris, Mike, Barry at John. HIndi namin alam kung san kami pupunta... pero dahil nasa Roxas Blvd na kami, tumuloy na kami sa Malate.

Naligaw pa kami sa Malate kakahanap sa Ratsky. Yun lang kasi ang pinakamatino kong maisip na bar sa Malate... nang hindi namin yun mahanap, dumerecho na kami ng Nakpil. Dun marami nang bar at marami na ring mapagtatanungan kung san ang Ratsky. Pagka-park ng kotse, naitanong namin sa mama kung san nga ba ang Ratsky. Dun daw pagkalamas ng Ministop. Paglampas namin ng Ministop, wala namang Ratsky kaming nakita kaya nawala pa kami ulit... Hanggang sa makakita kami ulit ng Ministop...at andun nga ang Ratsky... Sa ilang beses naming hinanap ang bar na ito, hindi na rin kami tumuloy. Hindi kasi namin kilala yung bandang kumakanta....

Dahil wala talaga kaming direksyon, napagpasiyahan namin na mapirmi na muna sa isang lugar dahil pagod at gutom na kaming lahat. Kaya dumerecho na kami sa Padi's Point. P200 consumable na. Baaaad choice. Pag pasok pa lang namin, wala nang kabuhay-buhay ang lugar na ito. Ang dilim, parang hindi mo dapat tingnan ang mga sulok dahil baka may makita kang ayaw mong makita. Eto pa naman yung Padi's na notorious dati dahil may nahuling gumagawa ng milagro... At eto pa, wala man lang palang banda dito sa lugar na ito. Disco lang daw. Dahil may tatak na kami, di na kami pwedeng umalis kaya nag-order na lang kami ng makakakain. Pagkatapos kumain ay lumayas na kami sa lugar na yun. Peste. Baaaaaad choice. HIndi na ako babalik sa Padi's Point, Malate.

Dahil mukhang bored na bored na ang mga boys naming pinsan ay pinapili namin sila. Ano ang gusto nyong puntahan? sa comedy bar o sa mga babae? Tinatanong pa ba yun??? Malamang sa babae!!! E di nagpunta kami sa isang bar sa Nakpil. Ayoko na banggitin ang pangalan baka puntahan mo pa. Pero madali naman yun matunton. P100 ang entrance. May mga ledge dancers dito tulad ng sa Coyote Ugly... siguro naman matutuwa na ang mga pinsan namin... Pagpasok, ayon na nga. Mga girlalu na nagsasayaw ng kung ano-anong "sayaw" daw yun. More like, gumigiling. Umorder na lang kami ng kape... Kape sa BAR!!! Meron silang lead dancer na maganda at napakaganda talaga ng legs. Nakaka-inggit... Subalit--

Maya-maya ayan na ang hindi inaasahan... Ang "Take it off" portion... Ikinagulat ko ng labis nang tanggalin ng isa ang kanyang pantaas! at mas lalo kong kinagulat ng tanggalin ng sumunod na tatlong babae-- including si Christine, yung lead dancer-- ang kanilang pambaba! Yikes!!!! Tuwa talaga ang mga pinsan ko. Tsk. Subalit--

Meron pa! Nang lumalim ang gabi mukhang hindi na maganda ang mga nangyayari... nang tawagin ang isang mamang may "berday" daw. Pinapunta siya sa stage at ginilingan ni Christine. Tinanggalan pa ng damit at ginilingan. Ay bastos na babae. Akala ko pa naman ay may future siya sa EB Babes hehehe. Sa Seiko films pala mapapanood to si Christine kung sakali. Nung mga panahon na yun, pakiramdam ko ay nasa isang cheap bar lang kami. At hindi dapat nanonood ng mga bagay ng tulad non. TSK.

Eto pa!!! May bata ba naman sa loob?!? Pano nangyari na pinayagan nilang papasukin ang isang 5-year-old na batang babae dun? Kahit pa may kasamang magulang, hindi dapat pinapasok yun dahil alam naman nila ang mangyayari sa loob! Tuloy ang kawawang bata ay nagsasayaw rin ng tulad ng mga dancer dun... kawawa talaga. At nakakita na ng mga bagay na di pa niya dapat makita...

Dahil nabastusan na kami (ewan ko lang sa mga pinsan kong boys) lumayas na kami dun at dumerecho na sa Baywalk. Kami namang mga girls ang magsasaya. Gusto kasi namin ng Live band. Andun yung Alamid at kumanta ng kung anik anik... at isang bandang ang tawag ay Resound.. na may poging gitaristang nagngangalang Tristan... Apat na kanta lang ang kinanta ng mga ito at natapos na ang kanilang set...

Natapos na rin ang aming gimik night. Mauulit pa ba ito? Naku. Sa Comedy Bar na lang siguro kung sakali...

Of Pseudo-Statesmen and States of Mind

2006-06-24T08:27:00.000-05:00

I have a pseudo-friend, his name's Mr. D, who just came up with one of the most brilliant ideas this side of the polluted country. GMA as the Mole of Asia... Brilliant..

***
Apparently the President ate something bad the other night and so she had to spend some time at the hospital coz her tummy hurts. Awww. Even the President of the Philippines gets hit by impacho or kabag or... pagtatae once in a while... Hihihi.. Too bad she gets major tv coverage. Kung alam mo ngang maraming naghihintay sa labas ng banyo ay hindi ka matae, yun pa kayang may media coverage ang pananakit ng tiyan mo???

***
My grampa is in a different state of mind today. He's curiously strong-- after just undergoing dialysis at that. But his state of mind is a bit out of whack. Case in point, my grampa-- who usually needs help to get up and walk to and fro-- got up at around 8pm walks himself out of his room and yells, "Sino yung bisitang negro na yun?"

Forgive him if he seems politically incorrect.

We must not forget that there was no visitor, never mind if he's a black guy or white. NO visitor. Yet he insists that he saw one. He thinks we're hiding the guy from him. He was all but ready to smoke the darn visitor out.

***

Uh-oh... I wonder where my Grampa is right now. Maybe in a different plane... coz here's the eerie quote to cap the story. When my sister said, "Pano mo nakita na may bisita eh nanjan ka lang sa kwarto mo?"

He replies, "Kahit nandito ako sa kwarto nakikita ko ang mga ginagawa niyo diyan sa sala..." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Sunsets

2006-06-15T01:37:00.000-05:00

"Remember that when the sun goes down for sunset, it will tae part of your life with it."
-Indian Proverb

Nothing rings truer today than this. I've seen close to two dozen Manila sunsets since I got back. All of them are now fragments in time, who I was when I saw them are now just memories. A day at a time, I said to myself. This, to forget about the future. As always, I cannot dare to peek at what lies ahead. I do not know what lies ahead. It may be a ghost from the past or a whole new direction. Both aren't exactly cheerful options. I just want things the way they were.

Funny how life touches us with a wand that puts us in places where we're forced to drastically change ourselves. Months, weeks, days, minutes will pass and the next, you're not the same person. You can't be the same person. Some people will find an enemy in time. Me, I'm stuck in the moment.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm not exactly thrilled. I dunno. Maybe I had celebrated my birthday 2 weeks ago in Japan. That's when I can define myself and my disposition as being truly happy. But tomorrow is just another day. No birthday cakes, or spaghetti or whatever will make it any different.

This is my reality. I'm living a dramatic scene. And I can't be in it.

Spiral

2006-06-03T03:50:00.000-05:00

The problem with being on top? There's nowhere else to go but down. The only difference is how you get there. Are you going to plunge to your demise? Or step down with grace?

Last week was a blast. Perhaps God was prepping me for this week. It'll be a long downhill spiral. I don't know how much I can take. God bless me and protect me.

I am caught in a whirlwind of dust and hale. Had I known, I would have stayed away. But now there is no escaping. I must face this alone. Myself, my friend? I don't think so. We'll see where I will find myself in the future.

Spiral

2006-06-03T03:45:00.000-05:00

Nippon country

2006-05-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

You will not believe the week I'm having. From last Friday, the 26th to today, the 30th, things have been so unpredictably good I can't even make sense of it.

26th: I got my impromptu Pizza Party and a very sincere farewell from all my co-workers

27th: We went to Grand Rios and had a blast

28th: I was supposed to fly home to the Philippines (with my cousin Kris) but lo and behold something happened with the aircraft and so the flight had to be cancelled! We stayed the night at the Ramada Inn at the Mall of America.

29th: Finally we took off for Tokyo, things have gone smoothly... until we landed at the Narita Airport on the...

3oth: We find out that we were booked for a flight for the next day, a Wednesday via Japan Airlines. Sooo it meant we had to stay in Japan for the entire day and therefore we were given a visa to enter their glorious country. Nice! Japan is one of the places I've been dreaming of going, and here's a free pass to Nippon country! Yeah.

So right now, I'm at the Radisson Hotel enjoying a beautiful twin suite... But I'm very tired so I'll expound on this some other time. Right now, I'm tired from being so elated by all these unpredictability. Thank you Lord for all these.

The Bridge-Builder

2006-05-28T03:40:00.000-05:00

There's something about saying goodbye that leaves one feeling disoriented and a little incomplete. Maybe it's because of the residue of the relationships you have built that you are now putting a stop to. Maybe it's because no matter how you say goodbye, you know closure only comes after a wound has left a gash on your knee. And for a while that wound will keep hurting and bleeding. It's inevitable.

My last day at Medtronic was a happy one. I had come in thinking I might cry but they all made me happy. They surprised me with an impromptu pizza party and an impromptu letter. It was a nice and kind gesture. I totally appreciate it. I felt very blessed and very special. As much as it saddened me to leave, it was a happy departure. And everybody expressed that they would all want me back. Even my supervisor told me to call him when I get back into the country.

I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to many people in my life. I wish I wasn't flighty. But that's all I am right now. I'm a fleeting memory. I'm a bridge-builder. I just keep building all these bridges and then going on to the next one before I could even fully see the capacity of my creation. I'm just glad I've got sense enough not to burn my bridges. I'd love to come back and see if I could pick up where I left off.

God bless everybody I worked with at Medtronic. Goodness knows they're some of the most brilliant, hard-working people I will ever meet in my life.

On Suspended Sentence

2006-05-24T01:37:00.000-05:00

I had finally mustered the courage to get up to my boss, and tell him I quit. It was a terrible ordeal. I was ashamed for whatever subconscious reason. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, right? Right.

And so I quit. Told 'em I'd stick around for a good two weeks. Not very true since I'm leaving 3 days prior to my supposed final date. And they don't know that. Another dilemma. Jeez. I don't wanna keep coming up to my boss and telling him my dramatic situations. If anything I don't want to see him and come across him, much less talk to him. He's this military type, ya know. So, I don't really like to be under scrutiny all the time. You never know what goes on behind these army people's heads.

I feel as if I shouldn't be there anymore. It's a little awkward. I already quit, for Pete's sakes. I shouldn't have to stick my butt inside that room. The fact that I'm still gonna get paid is the only consolation-- and the bonus I expect to be getting for being a part of Medtronic's successful fiscal year. Other than that, I would really be sooo much happier just spending time lounging around like a whale at home.

Radioactive Mobile Phones?!???

2006-05-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

MSN's homepage is a wonder to behold... I've been reading human interest articles like never before. And here's one I came across just this morning. It's long been disputed that cellular phones can cause cancer. While research has been done on this, no conclusive evidence has become solid proof and no consensus has been reached. Still, it's important to know that whethere or not it causes cancer, some radio waves still pass through the body via the cell phone.

In an article in www.cnet.com, it lists the phones with the highest SAR level with the phone next to the ear. The SAR or specific apsorption rate is "a way of measuring the quantity of radiofrequency (RF) energy that is absorbed by the body." The FCC regulation level must be less than 1.6 W/kg.

Top Ten radioactive phones:

Manufacturer and model SAR level(digital)

1. Motorola Slvr L6 1.58
2. Motorola V120c 1.55
3. Motorola V265 1.55
4. Motorola V70 1.54
5. Motorola C290 1.53
6. Motorola P8767 1 .53
7. Motorola ST7868 1.53
8. Motorola ST7868W 1.53
9a. Motorola A845 1.51
9b. Palm Treo 650 GSM 1.51
9bc. Panasonic Allure 1.51

Here are the levels for some Nokia phones...

Model SAR

3100 0.98
3120 0.75
3200 0.46
3300 0.87
3361 0.63
3600 1.27
3650 0.83
5100 0.4
6101 0.68
6120 0.43
6200 0.91
6255i 1.27
6310i 0.84
6360 0.63
6600 0.50
7210 0.45
7610 0.55
8260 0.95
8800 0.46
9290 0.43
9300 0.24
Digital 5160 1.45
N-Gage 0.37
N90 0.22
VI-3155i 1.22

For more info, read the entire article yourself. http://msn-cnet.com.com/4520-6602-5020355.html?tag=lnav

So are you radioactive yet???

6 Feet Under

2006-05-14T00:52:00.000-05:00

You know how they say in the Philippines that the moment you are born, you are already buried under so much debt all before you can even count?

Well, in America, you potentially actually are in debt.

Let's see...

Philippines: "Mag-impok sa bangko," says a public advocacy advertisement.
USA: An American Express slagan says, "Don't leave home without it."

Philippines: Banks have advertisements for elementary-age kids to save their money.
USA: What advertisement?

Philippines: Banks give you a hard time before you can get a credit card.
USA: Credit cards have replaced real money.

Philippines: Want a house? Get a loan.
USA: Want a house? Get a loan--but first, I have to see your credit history!

This credit history thing is what baffles me the most about this country. How can a first-world country, one of the world's superpowers encourage its citizens to dig a hole for themselves just to build a credit history?

You can't buy a car, a house, get a cellphone plan or take a loan if you do not have a credit history. They have to know that you can pay your bills, after all. But how do you build this history? By getting a credit card. Yup, by asking money from a third party first, then try to promptly pay it later. There's a flaw here, however. People who have a lot of money on their hands--or think they do(even if it's on a plastic), tend to splurge. It's called spending beyond their means.

This is what corporate America gorges on the dining table with-- their citizens' gullibility. Actually, it's not so much their citizens' fault. They are forced into this set-up. I point the finger on corporate America and the people at the top of the hierarchy.

My point in all these? Ayokong magka-utang! whaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Capote

2006-05-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

This is the kind of movie that will leave you reflecting on your way home. As the title suggests, this is about the life of Truman Capote, dubbed America's most famous contemporary writer. An openly gay and eccentric persona, Capote as captured by the wonderful Phillip Seymour Hoffman, is as believable as they come.

I don't even want to write a review of the movie, I just want to sing praises to Hoffman. This guy delivers a staggering performance every inch worth the Oscar gold. I'm a Joaquin Phoenix fan and I've seen Walk the Line and Joaquin was deep and troubled in that movie, but in Capote, Hoffman became Truman Capote. That's how good he was.

I've always thought the true measure of being a great actor is when the actor ceases to be an actor, when he becomes the character. And it is when the audience has blurred the lines between the superstar actor and the flawed character he portrays that he becomes effective and generates empathy-- or ill-regard as in the case of character actors.

I highly recommend Capote especially for the true film and acting enthusiasts who enjoy a good performance. The film itself isn't so bad, but it's kinda long. You'll endure it just to see how hoffman carries the character through.

The Bus Stop

2006-05-04T03:32:00.000-05:00

I feel lost.

I'm mad.

I'm lost in a blizzard of madness--

In the middle of spring.

I catch a dandelion and try to sneeze to freeze my brain for a nano second.

An eternity of peace.

What I'd give for peace of mind.

Alas, who am I to be given such luxury?

I am nothing but a speck in the cosmos,

some petty daughter of a distant supernova.

Unabashedly betrayed, guiltlessly forsaken.

And now I am lost...

Finally found my way to the bus stop.

Right here

Waiting for the universe to take my atoms back into the arms of its stars.

Paano ba ang magpaalam?

2006-04-30T23:09:00.000-05:00

Malapit na akong magresign sa aking trabaho... malapit na kasi akong umuwi. Marami akong plano para sa mga susunod na linggo.. pero hindi ko ito magagawa until magawa ko na ang kauna-unahan kong dapat gawin: Ang mag-resign.

Natatakot ako na magresign. Di ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Wala kasing nakaka-alam sa gagawin ko. Ayoko rin na pagbigay ko ng 2-weeks notice ay tanungin nila ako kung bakit. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko kung bakit ako magreresign. Ang alam ko lang dapat na akong magresign dahil may ticket na ako pauwi.

Kawawa naman ako. What a dilemma. Ang masaklap pa ay bigayan ng bonus sa June. Malaki ang kinita ng Medtronic ngayong fiscal year na ito. Kaya inaasahan ng lahat na magkakaron ng malaking bonus. Sana matanggap ko rin yung akin kahit na resigned na ako.

Eto pa ang problema, pagkatapos kong magresign, ang pinakahuling tseke na matatanggap ko ay malamang makukuha ko pagdating ko na sa Pinas. At ang tseke na yun ay hindi agad mai-cacash sa Pinas. Isang buwan pa daw ang clearing nun. Haay.

Pero ang pinakaproblema ko talaga ay kung paano magpaalam sa mga kaibigan. Malamang sa hindi, hindi ko na makikita ang mga taong ito. Sana pwede akong magdala ng digicam para mapicturan ko sila. Remembrance, kumbaga. Haay. Ang hirap naman. Welcome po kayong magbigay ng advice....

Cat and Mouse

2006-04-23T02:42:00.000-05:00

I've been staying late for work for the past two weeks... since I'm soon quitting, might as well earn as much moolah as I can, right? Anyways, late nights make people think differently.. like people are on an overtime high. And here circulates the nicest stories you wouldn't otherwise hear about during regular work hours... because at night, the supervisors go home. As they say, when the cat is away, the mouse will play...

These are stories I overheard on overnight shifts I've worked from 10:00 p.m till midnight. Remember that my team mainly consists of Africans (from Liberia, Guyana, Kenya and Nigeria), Asians (Laos, Vietnam and me, Philippines) and one or two from White America. So cultures clash and well, it's a fascinating insight into different cultures when they start talking...

***
Bride Market. For the lonely people out there who can't find love and devotion through Match.com or some sleazy phone service, short of an arranged marriage, you can troop to Morocco's mountainside where you will find the Bride Market. Here you'll find different women all ready and rarin' to get hitched. But wait, there's a catch. You must do all you can to woo her. Once you've done that, you can go right ahead and get married...

In Kenya, a traditional wedding lasts for 2 days straight. First, the bride and groom celebrate with the Bride's family. There'll be dancing and singing.. and lots of food to keep you awake--for the next celebration with the Groom's side. Here, there's more singing, more dancing, more food and some consumation... Bride and Groom can't sleep for those two days because they host the celebrations, common hospitality, you know.

In the mountainous side of Laos live the Hmong people. The Hmongs have only 13 surnames between them and a person with the same surnames can't marry because they are technically family (even though they're really not). Traditionally, Hmongs marry early and sadly, by parental or "clan" agreement. Lucky for some, they've become a little bit more liberated that the arrangements are sometimes waived for the girl and boy to find somebody they truly like...

Liberia's marriage culture is quite like the American's. Guy asks girl if she wants to marry him. Girl pays guy's family some dowry and pays for the entire wedding. However, that's about the only thing she pays for. Because for the rest of the marriage, traditional Liberian men play the role of provider, not even wanting their wives to work. Of course, Liberian-Americans are now working but the guys still would rather not...

***
This is how I like to learn about cultures you know. I can read many history books and forget tomorrow what I just read. But when it's real people talking about themselves... it has more impact. I wish I were like Truman Capote though, with a 94% recall so I can tell more. But right now I'm groggy. I can't even recall the events of today. Sigh. Bah-humbug.

My remote-controlled life

2006-04-17T00:53:00.000-05:00

"Times are shitty, but I'm sure it can't get worse." So says Angel on Rent. Indeed, times are shitty. Today, I won't make sense, like I so often do. A lot of things boggle the mind, and a whole lot more try to rearrange your world as you know it. My world is perfectly dislocating itself from its previous not-so-perfect but at least, not-so-shitty alignment. Things are beyond my control. Do you know what it's like to have things that are beyond your control take over your life? All you have are prayers and hope, but at times that is not enough. Oh Lord. What have I come to when I can't even take refuge in prayers? I have not turned into an infidel. I have not been so jaded as to lose hope and faith in prayer. But I feel so helpless. This is the worst feeling for such a one as me... The only good thing to come out of this is that I just realized and finally have come to a resolute admission: I am a control freak. And I am going down.

Seasons of Love

2006-04-09T12:47:00.000-05:00

"525,600 minutes... 525,000 moments so dear... How do you measure a year in the life?"

Homosexuals, Coke, AIDS, death, life.. That's the world that the characters in Rent revolve in. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by chance, either way they are stuck and the dilemma is whether to go on or build a wall around one's self.

Based on Jonathan Larson's award-winning musical play, the movie version does *not* disappoint. From the opening sequence of Seasons of Love to the final scene, you will be hooked. Sure, it's a musical which may make people shy away from this movie, but the music and lyrics are great, if not downright poetic. It's a tribute to the MTV generation, more pop, less Broadway classic.

The actors who played the characters were the original cast members of the Broadway play-- save for Rosario Dawson (Mimi) and Tracie Thoms (Joanne). All are great singers and performers, although sometimes some get a little too theatrical-- as in the case with theater people performing on the big screen. I just love the voice of Jesse L. James (Collins),someone like him should be recording CDs, not chasing goons on Law and Order. :D

Chris Columbus did a fine job, although some scenes are a little too literal when it comes to the MTV concept. Most of Roger's songs for instance, are like music videos reminding me of MB20 and Bon Jovi... But hey, it's a rock opera. Take it or leave it.

If you're homophobic, insanely moralistic and think musicals are God's gift to corny men.. then don't watch it. You'll never see this movie's worth. But if you're all three but with a penchant for artistic appreciation, at least watch the opening sequence. If the song doesn't nudge you from your uptight a** then I'll conclude that you're deaf, asleep or half-dead.

This may be a bitter pill to swallow for some but Jonathan Larson's message is simple: Measure your life in love. All the other complications in life are just bubbles waiting to burst. Measure your life in love.

***

Favorite RENT songs
1. Seasons of Love
2. Take Me or Leave Me
3. Tango: Maureen
4. Goodbye Love
5. La Vie Boheme

The Absence of You

2006-03-29T01:32:00.000-06:00

You think the world is designed for you
That every little intricate detail
suits your style and
caters to your mood
You think that the world spins
Because your head spins in a dizzying pace
Trying to figure out whether black will turn to white
Or whether gray is really in the spectrum.
You think the world follows you
That you can say what you want and
The world will be delighted by your voice
and your predilections
You think that just because you think
It will give the world meaning.
You think you are right
But you are wrong.
The world will spin without you
Make absolute sense without you
Breathe without you
Live without you
Cheat without you
Hurt without you

The world will betray you
Simply because you are no longer
here.

March 29, 2006
The Absence of You
****

Funny how time and space can make me feel detached-- concepts that seem elusive to my grasp yet somehow, they are as real as daggers to my heart. Pain is also just a concept. Exercise "Mind over Matter" and you'll find that pain is just a brain signal. But this is the same exercise that will allow you to feel excruciating pain even when there's no physical harm to yourself. It's true, emotional harm is worse especially for the sensitive souls.

Time and distance is a trap set forth by the cosmos to lure misguided souls into forcing their pain thresholds. Up to what extent will you endure pain? Will you cry? Will you bleed? Will you succumb to it?

Today I babble. I make no sense. But in my mind, the world is clear. There is blood on my pillow already, tears on the sleeves of my shirt and medication to keep the pain at bay. As for thoughts, time, space, distance... concepts, the cosmos, brain signals... These are beyond my control, ergo out of my reach. I can control tears and bleeding and palpitations... fluctuations of the jaded heart but not love, not life, not death. Certainly not faith.

Forgive me for being senseless. Today I exercise my freedom to keep you in pain by simply babbling.

Scorpion Queen

2006-03-17T01:33:00.000-06:00

***You Should Be A Scorpio***
What's good about you: intense and energetic, you can easily transform the vibe of a room
What's bad about you: if someone rubs you the wrong way, you'll sting them!
In love: you experience very strong feelings - both passion and jealousy
In friendship, you're: likely to demand loyalty and dump friends who don't provide it
Your ideal job: circus performer, hypnotist, or hunter
Your sense of fashion: revealing, daring outfits - you love taking fashion risks
You like to pig out on: spicy Thai, Mexican, or Indian food
What Sign Should You Be?http://blogthings.com/whatsignshouldyoubequiz/

****

If you are in love with a Scorpio man or woman,give him or her your full attention and devotion.Sharp as a tack, this person definitely noticeseverything. You will be able to keep no secretshere; this individual is an expert at ferreting themout. Truthfulness is well appreciated by this mate.Emotions are extremely important to a Scorpio andyou must be willing to explore the range (thevalleys as well as the peaks) in order to keep thispartner happy. Passionate and possessive, he(she) needs a lot of physical statement. This mateoften even defines his (her) relationship to you bythe amount of actual physical connection. If youare not interested in touchy-feely, you might wantto look elsewhere for true happiness. Loyalty isalso very valuable to this individual as he (she) willwant to look at you as being his (hers) alone.Should you stumble in this area, you may beforgiven but don't think that your Scorpio lover willforget (with such a sharp mind, little is forgotten).Of course, this works both ways and a moredevoted mate would be hard to find. You have inthis partner an extremely strong personality. Thisrelationship works best if you can maintain some ofyour own strength and keep things equal. Findingother arenas to excel in by yourself can also helphere as very few signs can successfully competewith Scorpio. Don't ever try to force something onthis mate, either; coaxing works better than bruteforce here. Be aware, too, that Scorpio's power isoften of the hidden variety. You mustn't take thismate at face value only. If you delight inchallenges, enjoy the world of emotions and arealso a sturdy and strong personality, you may havejust your cup of tea here. This is one individual whois going places and, if you can keep up, would behappy to take you along.

***

Interesting. I must have been a Scorpio in my past life. Although my schizophrenia is so apt to my being a Gemini...

Below Zero and Dipping

2006-03-13T02:32:00.000-06:00

Stuff Magazine's March 2006 edition lists the 25 greatest "Media whores" of the past year-- people and things that have hogged the spotlight like crazy last year. That list includes Tom Cruise, Tupac Shakur and Lindsay Lohan. And the number one whore? Mother Nature.
***
Mother Nature has been very nice to me this past year. The infamous frigidity of Minnesota winter did not come at all. And below zero days were few and far between and happened mostly during late November. Even Minnesotans were pleasantly surprised that while New York and the East Coast was being battered by bad snowy weather, we here were feeling 40-degree sunshiney days (a joy in winter, I tell ye).
***
Fast forward to today. Spring will be in a little over a week, with the Spring equinox scheduled on the 21st. But wait, Mother Nature wants winter to end with a bang! Picture this. Last week, the highest temperature was 51 degrees. And today, we are in the middle of a snow storm that threatens to bury Minneapolis in 8 inches of white, glistening splendor. That means bad traffic, slippery roads and ear muffs to combat frostbite.
***
Yes, Mother Nature is darn sick of TomKat's and Brangelina's faces on every other tabloid and wants to make it clear she wants her share of media attention. Somebody get the paparazzi here already before she unleashes a blizzard of apocalyptic proportions!!!!

Pink Heart!

2006-03-07T01:51:00.000-06:00

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.
Your flirting style: Coy
Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park
Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant
What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Send in the Clowns

2006-02-28T03:01:00.000-06:00

The other day, my annoying co-worker was yakking about the Italian mob, the Russian mafia and the Japanese yakuza.. when he suddenly, ingeniously asked this question:

"Karrisa, is there a famous mob in the Philippines?"

To which I nonchalantly replied, "Yes. George Bush."
***

If you go and visit the Philippines now, you'll find yourself in the middle of a very un-entertaining and not the least bit funny circus. Everybody wants to be Bozo the Clown all of a sudden, or--forgive my globalist mind, I meant to say, Boyoyong the Clown pala.

What is the matter with my dear country? One moment, Yahoo news reports that one entire village was swallowed by mud, the next minute, our elfin madame President announces a national state of emergency! What, these grimy politicians can't let the spotlight go to that one spot that will no longer occupy a space in the Philippine map?!? Are they that jealous of anything else that hog the headlines besides them?

It's like you can't get away from these crocs and hoodlums. Even natural disasters and muddy, zombied Filipinos can't take the front page because the politicians, whether rightist or leftist, want to thrust their faces in front of you.

And we call ourselves a democratic country, when all we are are pawns in this maniacal chess game played by the government and its rivals, dressed as Boyoyong DA clown.
***

Come to think of it, that question posted by my annoying co-worker can incite some deep thinking. And when you really think of it, had I not responded off the top of my head; had I responded from my heart, the exchange will be as follows:

"Karrisa, is there a famous mob in the Philippines?"

To which I nonchalantly replied, "Yes. The Philippine Government."

What about me???

2006-02-12T23:33:00.000-06:00

***Your Five Variable Love Profile***

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is low.
This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..
It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.
In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test
http://blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/

***
Not exactly 100% correct but I'm not saying it ain't true.. ;p

What does your birthdate mean?

2006-02-05T00:12:00.000-06:00

***Your Birthdate: June 16***

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.
You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.
People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.
You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.

Your strength: Your original approach to thinking

Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others

Your power color: Pale blue

Your power symbol: Wavy line

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Moving 101 part 1

2006-01-19T22:25:00.000-06:00

Moving is such a hassle. You think you got it down pat and when it's time to reopen the boxes, some items are missing and you find yourself needing divine intervention to help you find those things. Such was what happened to me yesterday.

We moved to a different location last weekend. I thought I had learned from the previous move five months ago but NO. This time, I thought I lost a $200 check and my Globe prepaid load. Dang! I tried looking for the most obvious places but it wasn't there! So I prayed hard to God to help me find it. $200 is a lot of money, for Pete's sakes!

So it came to me in a dream, where to find it. The next morning, I looked into my wallet and there it was. Fresh and gleaming. Sigh. Thank the good Lord!
Moving Lesson #1: Keep the most important things in one location and remember that you kept them there!

***
More to come soon!

Yes, yes... Emphasize!

2006-01-09T00:01:00.000-06:00

First of all, let me just state that in my opinion, no movie version can EVER top the book. That being said, I think the movie version of Memoirs of a Geisha is a good enough, entertaining film if you're willing to forgive a few flaws.

I have not finished reading the book, I am ashamed to say. So whatever I come up with here is a product of watching the movie.

I already like the story. There's something mystifying about a geisha. As a child I thought the makeup scary-- like a clown with pretty red lips. As a teenager, I thought it exquisite, precise. But the only thing I really know about geisha is the makeup, nothing more. To actually learn of what they do and their purpose in life is really interesting. This here says so much of what these women do. What I learned in 2 and a half hours beats me poring over books just trying to understand the life and times of a geisha.

Because the movie was mainly shot in a makeshift set in Los Angeles, there wasn't much the cinematographer could do-- nor could you. Mind you, the set was not displeasing. It just gives you a limited vision of an already limited world. However, if you focused on the story, you wouldn't even mind the weak spot in the mise-en-scene.

I have never been a fan of Michelle Yeoh's but in Memoirs, she's definitely a scene stealer. She portrayed a mature, elegant and sophisticated geisha in Mameha. You can really see the former Miss Malaysia in her. You'll be surprised how I also find Nobu's (Koji Yakusho) performance striking. He's got the right blend of stern, stiff shrew of a guy with a pious heart. Ken Watanabe (Chairman) makes for the stark contrast to Nobu. Kind, sweet and the eyes say it all. Ziyi Zhang gives a fair performance as Sayuri, though not my favorite. I was kind of bothered by her Chinese accent in Japanese but American-made movie. But she's alright. And please don't expect her eyes to be as blue as the ones in the poster. It's supposed to be gray but I guess the Photoshop editors thought it looks better if she had blue eyes.

I do not understand the fuss the Japanese actors made about casting other Asian actors in this movie. This is Hollywood, equal opportunity, my friends. If it were made in Japan they can say that, but in Hollywood, star quality counts. Of course, the Chinese accent bothered me admittedly but hey, Ziyi makes for a good Geisha. At least, the American producers did not dare cast white actors as geisha. That would have been truly out of sync.

***

Erm, if you're wondering about the title.. let me tell you a little story. There's this b*tch of a lady sitting at our back who kept talking by herself throughout the movie... The people would shush her and she would shush back!!! You do not know how annoying it is to watch a movie with a running commentary on the background saying, "Yes, yes... Emphasize!"

Sayonara, 2005!

2006-01-01T20:25:00.000-06:00

You know, Filipinos have it good. Really. You do not know how unbelievably boring our New Year's celebration was. You know that whole shebang on Times Square where they count down the time till it's 2006? Well, that doesn't represent what's going on in the country. I think they may be the only ones who were having that much fun in America.

I didn't see any fireworks, didn't hear any firecrackers.. in fact, in the neighborhood, we were the only house that's still alive at 12 am! What the..?! I suddenly miss those blaring car horns, the cans that trail tricycles and those dangerous firecrackers on the streets!

Still we tried to celebrate 2006 as best we can. The year of the Fire Dog should hold a lot for such a one as born on 1982. Mois, included. I hope things just keep getting better.

***

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? Good enough
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? Halloween costume party
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? When I had to leave the Philippines
4) Did you miss anybody in the past year? sobrang maraming marami!
5) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
6) What was your favorite song from 2005?Hanggang Kailan and Makita Kang Muli
7) What was your favorite record from 2005? Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway
8) How much money did you spend in 2005? More than I ever had in my entire life :D But it's all worth it.. seriously.
9) What was your proudest moment of 2005? Going Live on GKTV newsbreak. Yipee
10) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something. what would it be? Everything happens for a reason and whatever happened the past year made me a better person today
11) What are your plans for 2006? learn how to drive, make leche flan and go to a different country/place.

Oras na!

2005-12-28T23:32:00.000-06:00

www.hasilvestre.org

Isang mahiwagang pangyayari ang magaganap bago magtapos ang taong 2005. Madadagdagan umano ng ISANG SEGUNDO ang oras bago tuluyang maging alas-Dose ng unang araw ng bagong taon! Paano ito nangyari? Dahil sa pagbilis-pagbagal ng pag-inog ng mundo-- dala na rin ng maraming bagay tulad na lamang ng paglaki at pagkati ng tubig (tide, po para sa mga Ingglisero).

Sapagkat kontrolado ng mga dalubhasa sa Siyensiya ang tinatawag nilang "atomic clock", na siyang pamantayan ng oras sa mundo, minarapat nilang dagdagan ng isang segundo ang taong ito. Dahil dito, sa lahat ng atomic clocks--kasama na siguro ang "auto update clocks" ng mga kompyuter (pero di ako sure)-- makikita ang oras na... 23:59:60. Gawin mo ang kompyutasyon at ang huling minuto ng taong 2005 ay mayroong 61 segundo!

Dahil dito, napaisip ako kung ano ang nararapat kong gawin sa sobrang oras na ito. Minsan lang tayo mabigyan ng sobrang oras. Mas madalas, nakakarinig ako ng reklamo tungkol sa "kulang na oras". Eto na, isang segundong sobra! Ano kaya ang magandang gawin para maging makabuluhan ito sa buhay ko? Hmmm...

Maikli lang ang isang segundo ano kaya ang magagawa mo sa loob ng oras na ito? Di ka pwedeng tumawag kasi pagpindot pa lamang sa telepono eh sobra na sa isang segundo... Di ka pwedeng kumanta kasi tatlong salita lang karaniwan ang kasya sa isang segundo... Ano nga kaya?

1. Ngumiti (Pinakamadali)

2. Tumalon (preparasyon sa alas-Dose ng madaling araw para tumangkad)

3. Humikab (kalaliman ng gabi eh)

4. Umutot (walang pampa-ingay dito haha)

5. Magsabi ng "Happy New Year!"

6. Magsabi ng "Goodbye, 2005!"

7. Magsabi ng "I love you!" Naks.

Kahit ano pa man yan, sana ay maging masaya ang pagsalubong ninyo sa bagong taon. At wag mong kalilimutan... pag-atat na atat ka nang tumalon pagsapit ng alas-Dose sa orasan mo, malamang hindi atomic clock ang gamit nyo kaya de-kamay ang pagdagdag ng isang segundo. Orayt?

Manigong Bagong Taon!

Christmas shouldn't be spelled with an X

2005-12-26T18:05:00.000-06:00

Of course, nothing can beat Filipino Christmas. White Christmases are so overrated. You can't even do a lot of things when it snows.. But still, I think my Christmas this year went great. I didn't expect it to compare to past Christmases in the Philippines with the entire clan and friends just a text or a call away. But we made do with what we had.

Christmas Eve

We went to the Midnight Mass at St. Olaf's Catholic Church in downtown Minneapolis. The priest was awesome, he was relatively young--that is to say he's shaved bald, and not actually balding hehe-- and he talked like he was in a conversation with all of us. One of the rare moments I actually listened to everything the priest was saying... Essentially though, he was talking about how you don't have to be so smart to believe in the greatness of God. Nice. And this is what stuck to me: He said, "The real essence of Christmas is simplistic faith." True, you don't have to go to school to have faith, you don't have to be the best person in the world, God favors the simple. God favors those who sincerely believe. Haay. I love Christmas. And the choir was amazing.

We went home to servings of Arroz Caldo and Chicken Mushroom Alfredo made by my sister and me. (Talagang kasali ako dun noh!) Then we opened our beautiful gifts! I didn't expect gifts this year coz those who I expect to give me presents are in the Philippines hehehe... But then I love my loot. I got a bookmark with booklight and Memoirs of Geisha book from Super-Itik... A Princess wall hanging from Ninang Edith and family.. A $25 gift card from Tita Jing.. A Kelly Clarkson cd from my secret Santa, Ging.. a scarf from Auntie Myrna,a candle from Madison... and an HP Pavilion Laptop from myself! Yipee. Love it all!

And the best thing is that I got to talk to two of my best friends on earth. Taughffeayhe and my Cheekyboy Vincent called long distance for their Christmas greetings...

Christmas

We woke up late for Christmas coz of Christmas Eve. Then we had a family party that included my American cousins later that night. Oh the best thing about this day were the FOOD! Whoa. We had Pancit Palabok, Fried Rice, Barbecue chicken and pork, Macaroni Salad, the best lumpia I've had in a while, hotdogs, Lechon... ah beautiful, fatty but delicious Filipino food.

So now, although I'm probably 3 pounds heavier, I'm still very happy that my Christmas turned out to be good enough, and not as bad as I thought it might be. I would still love to have spent it like the old times but then for now, I have no choice.

So here's a toast to all my family in the Philippines whom I couldn't spend Bingo time with this year-- My sis Michelle, Grampa, Ninong Milo, Kris, Auntie Juliet, Khat, John, She, Barry, Joy, Patrick and Ate Lina... to my pets who always used to get better food come Christmas-- Buffy and Trining, Moshu and Snooky... to my friends who are part of the family already-- Taughffeayhe and Lisette, Afie, Eprel, Diane, Irene, Laurie Anne, Mae and y'all... and of course, to my Cheekyboy Vincent and his wonderful family who's been so nice to me. I wish you all the best the Christmas season has to offer.. and I wish you all a blessed new year! MWahhhh!!!

Pasko! Paksiw! Pasko! Paksiw!

2005-12-22T01:12:00.000-06:00

Hay. Nakaka-miss naman talaga ang Pasko. Lalo na sa Pilipinas.

Nami-miss ko man ang paksiw na galunggong, mas nami-miss ko ang Paskong Pinoy.

Nami-miss ko na ang mga makulay na parol na umiilaw. Di pa kami nagkakaroon nun sa tagal ng pananatili namin sa Villamor Air Base, mahal daw kasi. Pero dito sa Minnesota, meron na kaming parol na umiilaw! Pero di pa rin kagaya ng Parol na nakikita ko sa kalsada.. Yung giant. Yung malayo pa lang, kitang-kita mo na at masasabi mo sa sarili mong..."Ay! Laki ng parol nila! Mayaman siguro yang mga yan.."

Isa pa sa talagang nami-miss ko ay ang mga Pinoy Christmas carols. "Pasko na naman..", "Pasko na sinta ko.." at ang all-time favorite ko na "Christmas In Our Hearts"! Altogether now! Whenever I see girls and boys selling lanterns on the streets... Naks!

Kahit minsan ay nang-aasar na, at minsan ay memorized mo na kung aling ngipin ang may bungi sa kanila, nakaka-miss din yung mga nangangaroling. Gamit lang nila e pinitpit na tansan at alkansiya, aba mantakin mo namana ng galing ng Pilipino.. Sabihan ka mang makunat ka kapag Piso lang ang binigay mo, di ba, aminin! Gusto mo naman silang makita nek year para malaman mo kung sungki na ang ngipin nila o may malaking ngipin na dun sa dating bungi. (Oo, pare-pareho lang ang mga batang nangangaroling sa amin!)

Kahit mahal, di hamak na mas masarap ang honey-glazed ham sa Pilipinas kesa sa turkey ham dito! Mayabang lang ang ibang Pinoy na nakasampa sa Amerika at pinagyayabang ang turkey pero marami naman akong kilala na ayaw sa turkey dahil.. ta-dan! Walang lasa! Pfffhhhhhhhh! Mabuti pa yung pork na ham na gawa ng Purefoods o Swifts masarap talaga. Pork or bust! *Hoy perv! I didn't mean it that way! >( *

At eto ang matindi. Nakaka-miss rin yung mga korning palabas sa TV na trying hard magpakita ng spirit of Christmas to the point na maglalagay ng pekeng snow sa pamamagitan ng paggayat ng styrofoam.. haha Korni talaga.. pero nakaka-miss pa rin.

Malapit nang mag-Pasko, mga kababayan. Maligayang Pasko at maligo kayo sa Bagong Taon. Okey? Orayt

***
Thinking aloud... Ano ang ginagawa ni Santa Claus sa Narnia? Ang korni tuloy.

Habi Burdey Cheekyboy!!!

2005-12-13T00:52:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to my cheekyboy!

I love you soo much!

Do you remember this poem? I wrote it for you...

Sweet Contradiction

The night and the day

meeting at dawn

an explosion of color and hues

in the otherwise plain canvas..

He is

the bitter, the sweet

mixed in the palate,

a delicacy

the dark and the light

not blind, not blinding

the warmth that envelops

yet the cold that repels

then fusing into a mixture

that comforts and caresses...

He is

the stone in the pond

the pond that ripples

the ripple that causes the waves

the wave that can drown the earth

the earth on which the dust settles.

He is the yin, I,the yang

He, the black; I,the white

the opposites of the pole

bursting in harmonious symphony

creating the perfect imperfect union

that no tide can divide.

August 10, 2004

Nothing Is What It Seems

2005-12-05T00:33:00.000-06:00

Never before have I been simultaneously confused, amazed, challenged and astonished by a movie. The movies that I remember liking, may have given me one or two of those feelings but never all four. Except with David Lynch's Mulholland Drive.

This movie, I tell ya, has confused many moviegoers, even those who venture to be deep. And why not? It's a film noir, alright, in the most unconventional sense. It's surreal and it was actually meant to be open-ended. Lynch actually wanted the movie to be subject to interpretation. It could be whatever you wanted it to be. At first look, it doesn't make sense. It seems to be a jumble of subplots and characters that don't connect. Mind you, most of them really don't. But it's that surreal quality that makes you forgive these many quirks and try to figure out the puzzle.

Lynch has succeeded in making Mulholland Drive as cryptic as possible. The average jittery audience with attention-deficit disorder will see garbage in this movie. But some twisted maniacs, like myself, may beg to differ. I think this is David Lynch's gift to aspiring film makers. Wow. From the technical aspect, this may be a case study. Lynch used several--if not all--the tricks in the book. From camera angles to digital editing, it's all in here. And the story is so twisted, so puzzling, it makes sense only if you dare to make sense of it. I won't tell the story here, I know I can't. Watch it and tell me what you think.

All I know is that Mulholland Drive is a rollercoaster ride of a movie, with as much twists and turns and several trips upside down. After the experience, you'd either feel like you've had the best, albeit dizzying, ride of your life... or you'd barf on the side muttering expletives that rhyme with luck and duck.

***
Oscar History..When this movie came out in 2001, A Beautiful Mind gets the Best Picture, Ron Howard is Best Director (David Lynch was nominated), Halle Berry wins for Monster's Ball and Denzel Washington bags the Actor gold.

From Imagination to 2-D

2005-11-27T21:36:00.000-06:00

What separates books from movies is imagination. The reader's or audience's imagination, that is. Books generally have an infinite sense of possibilities. Anything written can be interpreted in any way. The main character may even be imagined as the reader herself-- which often happens to me ;-P. With movies, the imagination becomes limited because it is already translated into a two-dimensional pseudo-realistic portrayal of a story. So it is often a struggle of sorts for a reader to accept and love a movie version of her favorite book.

Most of the time, it becomes disappointing. Since the movie is limited by time, space and budget, crucial storylines may be cut short or even left out altogether. What was funny in the book, may not inspire some lips to twitch at all. The hardest audience to please are those who know the story from end to end, backwards and forwards; those who have imagined a different reality than the movie version. Many books-turned-movies have disappointed me, including The Deep End of the Ocean. I love Michelle Pfeiffer and goodness knows I had a crush on Jonathan Jackson in High School. But they weren't enough to redeem the dramatic and emotional value of that film.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was different. This one, I really liked. It deliberately took out a lot of scenes and Peeves, the resident Hogwarts poltergeist, is still missing in action, but I still loved the movie.

Daniel Radcliffe, while not emotionally-lacking, can improve. He's doing a fine job, mind you, and to act side by side British bigwigs is something to feel jittery about. He just needs a little bit more oomph. But not too much, like Emma Watson. Her facial expressions have gone from theatrical to just plain twitchy. Every word she says has an accompanying nose twitch or lip twitch or something. Rupert Grint... I didn't notice. Hehe. But I noticed that Michael Gambon (Dumbledore) played the Headmaster a little too harsh and strict. While Richard Harris, the original Dumbledore, was serene and patient, Gambon's was always yelling and moving around. I love Miranda Richardson as Rita Skeeter, perfect for the role! And Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort is just amazing.

Because I'm getting tired of writing at the moment, let me close this entry. I just want to say that no Potter movie has left me laughing as much and gaping as much as this one. The scene where Voldemort and Harry were dueling was so intense I found myself slack-jawed throughout that scene. But I didn't like the ending though. Too.. kiddie. Plus, I wonder how they'd start working on the bitterness between Dumbledore and the Ministry of Magic in the fifth installment of the movie, when it was hardly touched in this one at all. We'll see. I didn't like the fifth book so much, it was the most boring of the series, so I hope the next director would do miracles to keep up with the first four.

***
POST SCRIPT
A digital "spot removing" technique was applied in the post-production of the movie Harry Potter to clear up some of the more severe teen skin problems, since make-up tested poorly for close-up shots in particular.

Danke. Grazie. Merci. Gracias. Thanks. Salamat.

2005-11-24T02:26:00.000-06:00

I never knew what Thanksgiving Day was for. All I knew was that Americans treat it as a much bigger celebration than Christmas. And that you eat a poor turkey for dinner.

Consequently, when I asked my American co-workers to explain to me the meaning of this affair, they replied in shock. Why, don't you in the Philippines celebrate Thanksgiving? I said, no. We have All Saint's Day in November and Christmas in December. Imagine their shock at this travesty. But imagine my shock when I found out that it was to give thanks to the forefathers who helped free America. Right, we should be celebrating your freedom from monstrous British oppression.

It was only later that it evolved into something less American, and more universal, as this country is now a melting pot of cultures. These days, it also symbolizes giving thanks to anything and everything one should be grateful for.

So since I am here, and since I am forced to celebrate Thanksgiving day (no work, no malls, no nothing today!) I might as well write a Gratitude list to all the people/animals I am thankful for.

***

My Family
Ours is a common tribe. We may not live in the inner Philippine jungles, we may be clothed in the finest our meager moolah can buy, we may be too 21st century to be called a tribe, but still the Salem-Almoite family still functions as a tribe. A clan. We follow tradition, we respect and consider the decision of our elders, we move together, stay together, bond together. Well, more like we're stuck together. That's what I love about this family. Our cousins are like a big barkada. Eternal cousins!!! It's just not the same without being together. So I'm thankful that I belong in a family that first and foremost taught me the value of having a family. Squabbles are everywhere, misunderstandings strain the fiber sometimes but at the end of the day, we come home to our big and beautiful family.

My Cheekyboy
It's human instinct to find human companionship far beyond mere friendship. It's the way of the world. You will always find yourself in a situation where you want to know if there's anyone out there who fits with you. This one is my exact opposite. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. He's outspoken, I like to keep my thoughts within. He'll explode, I'll implode. He's left, I'm right. He's up, I'm down. And yet dismissing all those facts, it turns out we balance each other. We are not the perfect couple, but who is? Nobody's perfect. Anyone who claims to be are just fooling themselves or are just totally warped. Vincent and I belong in a perfect imperfect union and we rock! I'm thankful to him because more than learning about being in a relationship, I learned about myself. Every single time. And that's the most important thing. For where will we be if we have lost ourselves in the journey? Thank you, Cheekyboy!

My Friends
You meet hundreds, if not thousands of people in your lifetime. Most of them will just pass you by and you can't even remember their names the next day, nevermind their faces the next week. But there are people who make a lasting impression on your life, who touch you, who have connected with you and these are the people who are part of who you are now. As you grow old, you don't spend most of your time with your family. You have to go to work or school. There you spend time with your friends. I'm thankful for these friends from whom I have learned the good, the bad and the ugly-- without going through them myself. I will not declare myself a scarred soldier who have been through many epic battles in my lifetime. I have not. But a lot of my friends have. And from their experience and inspiration, I have learned an awful deal. From their courage, I have spawned courage of my own. Thank you, guys.

My Pets
When I was growing up, I always thought that you will receive in return from what you gave. And then I had my first pet. A white male cat named Keating. This kitty taught me the value of unconditional love. I was a rebellious, confused, struggling teenager then. And everytime I cried, it's as if he hears me and he comes to me to comfort me, as if telling me that everything's going to be fine. And then came a host of other pets, including Buffy and Trining. I believe that having and being able to take care of a pet is a huge responsibility because you have to take care of them, feed them, love them when frankly,it will be hard to compare them with a human companion. With pets, you need to learn to be selfless. Just love them as they are. And when you love them enough, when they're happy, you'll feel happier. Thank you, pets.

My Teachers
I have had many teachers in my lifetime but I'll mention those who have made a great significance to me 23 years of existence. In order of consequence: 1.Mrs. Fronda. 5th Grade. You believed I could shed a tear when all I could do was crumple my face and utter some dramatic words. And because of that you helped me be in that CCP/PETA acting workshop and consequently, the play Bernardo Carpio. You have stirred the creative soul in me. And I never got to thank you. 2.Mrs. Pambid. 6th grade. You steered me in the best direction I could ever find myself in. I thank you for telling me that I know how to write. Thank you for honing my skills. Thank you for training me for all those competitions we both won. We won, Ma'am. We both did. You have changed my life forever just by telling me that you believed I could make it. 3. Miss Barayuga. Freshman High school. I met you at Speech class. It was not a good time for me. I was new, I was troubled and I have made an enemy of myself.But in that school, you were the only person who truly TRULY made me feel special. I was a somebody to you. While you gave everybody else a 78, you gave me a 98. Thank you for recognizing me. 4. Sir Ron. College. More than being ka-berks, you are my most favorite teacher of all time! It's partly because all the subjects you taught were my favorites... but mostly because you taught in the way you knew. And you didn't take any bullshit. Your classes were fun and I had soooo much fun being in them. Thanks! 5. Miss Sayson. College. I love Miss Sayson because I felt that more than a teacher, she is a friend, a psychologist, a listener who would take what you had to give out and have nothing but comfort to offer. You have helped me through my low times in 2004. In ways you never knew. Thank you.

My Lord.
I feel guilty because my views on God and religion is relatively New Age. I believe that religion is merely a human organization. It survives merely through faith. It is disputable that there is a God. People will always dispute his existence. Yet this does not mean that I don't believe in a God. He is everywhere and he is nowhere. I believe that whatever is good and right, must be God. I believe that God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Brahma.. I believe all of them are one and the same. They were given many names and yet at the heart of it all, the religions that gave birth to these gods have common goodness at the core. So what's the fuss all about? I thank the God that I believe in that he listens to me and keeps me in a direction that I should be in.

*****

These views are my own. I'm sorry if I offend any of your beliefs. But where I am and where I stand, it's a free world. I can say whatever I want to say. Let's just agree to disagree, shall we?

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS LONG-WINDED ENTRY.

Spotlight: The Dream Wrecker

2005-11-20T23:53:00.000-06:00

I dunno about you, but special days for me are important. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas, New Year's Day... I like to celebrate these occasions and feel, well, special.

***

Saturday morning. Me and my cousins were up and ready to go to California. We were going to celebrate my cousin Kweeshie's birthday in Disneyland.. then go to Universal Studios, Beverly Hills, take pictures with Hollywood as our background and drive down Sta. Monica Boulevard. We were also gonna eat at Jollibee then buy a Red Ribbon cake, you know, Filipino stuff. We're packed, we're excited, we were actually AT the airport and we're just waiting for one person who's gonna be our buddy for the ride. (FYI, buddies get huge discounts hence the need for this person.) Turns out though, the buddy doesn't come till 6pm and he wanted to catch the 9pm flight. Whoa. Wait here, buddy. Leaving at 9pm means spending only Sunday in Cali before we go home Monday morning. That's messed up. He messed it up. Long story short, we didn't go to California at all. We were bummed.

So we trooped to St.Paul to chow a whole darn lot of Chinese food then drove to Downtown Minneapolis to catch Harry Potter.

***
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire will get considerable blog space sometime during the week. This particular blog, though, is an angsty, negative-induced entry. I don't wanna hurt Harry's moment.

***

Back to "Buddy". Today was Kweeshie's actual birthday. We didn't know the adults had planned a buffet lunch for that. So when they woke us up at 12 pm, we weren't aware that we were supposed to leave home at 1230 pm. So we lazed around, still half-asleep. And then the hungry vintage people started to get mad. We were lazy, spoiled kids. We were ruining the birthday. Little did they know that they ruined the day.

Then Buddy starts yelling. He's everywhere. He's taunting. He's mocking. He's just basically ruining the whole day. Yelling at his kids primarily but yelling anyways. How mature. By the bye, Buddy is a 40-something aging sperm-creator. I would venture to say he's a father but that doesn't seem quite right. Not when his own kids disagree.

Then we found out it seems to be his role in life to ruin someone else's birthday. It doesn't matter whose. IT JUST ALWAYS IS. I'm like... dag.

***

It's not even his day to ruin and now he ruined it for everyone. I feel bad for my cousin coz a week ago, she was pretty bent on spending it happily in Disneyland. It just turned from potentially the best birthday ever to the worst. If it were my birthday I would hate this guy for the rest of his living existence. For now I'm just angstsy.

***
I'm ditching the YAKKED SOMEWHERE thingamajig. Let's call it POST SCRIPT from now on... Here's my first...

"A man is measured by the size of things that anger him." -Geof Greenleaf

"I keep my good health by having a very bad temper, kept under good control." -Theodore Roosevelt

and my favorite...

"When angry count to four; when very angry, swear." -Mark Twain

I have to admit... although I hated reading Tom Sawyer, that Mark Twain is a genius.

Minnesota, Binalakubak!

2005-11-16T02:02:00.000-06:00

San ka pa? Eskimo ititch!

Sa wakas. Bumagsak na rin ang niyebe mula sa kalangitan. Halloween pa lang pino-promote na to ng mga tiyuhin at tiyahin kong medyo matagal nang nanirahan dito sa bansa ng mga Kano. Halloween daw meron na nun. Pinapa-excite pa kami. Para namang makaka-relate kami kung masaya nga ang snowboarding, skiing at kung anu-ano pang winter sports. (Ni hindi nga ako marunong mag rollerblades, ice skating pa kaya.) Parang pelikula na dapat abangan, kung papakinggan mo ang press release ng pagdating ng snow.

Ngayon, Filipino time yung snow. Late dumating. Kahit yung mga pinagpipitagang meteoroligists sa TV nagkamali sa pag-predict kung kelan nga ito darating. May excuse na sila: unpredictable daw ang first few days of winter. Yeah right. Buong weather naman, mapa-spring, summer o fall, unpredictable. Malalaman mo na lang na may bagyo sa labas kasi ang lakas ng hangin at ulan. At malalaman mo na lang na may snow dahil malamig at ang puti na ng kalsada. Binalakubak. Big thanks ha.

Nakakita na ko ng snow dati. Pero patapos na. Yung tinatawag na "flurry" na lang naabutan ko. Yun mas maliliit at mas maninipis. Parang ulan lang pero yelo pala. Parang balakubak talaga. Pero eto ngayon, ung totoong snow. Di ako handa. Paglabas ko ng trabaho, naka-parka ako (ung jacket na makapal), thermal boots at gloves. Akala mo ready for action. Pero paglabas ng mukha ko. Sapul! Derecho sa mata ko ung malaking snowflake! Aray!!! Samamabits! Di ako handa dun ah. Wish ko lang, pagbigyan ng konti ang mga nakikituloy lang sa bahay ni Uncle Sam at hindi sanay sa malamig na panahon... wish ko lang.

Pero kahit papaano, ayos pa naman. Siguro pag nasa -0 degrees na ang temperatura, baka mas marami na akong expression na mahihiram kay Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah!

***

YAKKED SOMEWHERE: Looking out the window, on the snowy front yard, my little cousin Aaron sings, "Twingle bells, Twingle bells, Twingle all the wayyyy..."

Meeee-owwww!!!

2005-11-08T01:23:00.000-06:00

If you read my profile, it'd be obvious I'm crazy about cats. We've had sooo many cats, our lifetime can't match their nine lives. For now though, we only have two. It's an economic and practical choice. If it were up to me, I'd keep every single one and all the babies my kitty-factory (her name's Tutip) would make. But then all the other people in the house don't like cats. They decided to keep these two just coz they know me and my sister love them too much. Ahh well.

Why do I love cats? Cats are independent. They do what they want to do. If you don't give them attention every free minute or so, they won't mind. They like their space, thank you very much. Cats are good sympathizers. Because they like to be stroked, whenever you feel down you can talk to them and they will come to you in sympathy. Our first cat, Keating, did that to me all the time. Whenever I feel sad, he'd come to me and sit on my lap, as if offering sympathy. Cats are soft. They look delicate. But when it's time to strike... OUCH! Mee-owww!

So here's my two favorite kitties in the world... Buffy and Trining!

All Hallow's Eve Special

2005-10-31T00:03:00.000-06:00

BLOODY VINTAGE GIRL

While the absence of manananggals, kapres and tiktiks made it a little less adventurous, my first Halloween costume party experience was just a blast! I've always been fascinated with the unknown. It scares the living daylights out of me, especially those Nov 1 Magandang Gabi Bayan specials. But hey, we are surrounded by things we don't know so might as well embrace them.

So yeah there was a costume party at our house-- just for pictorial's sake mind you. And don't you agree we've got some pretty good ones? I was gonna be the Corpse Bride, but bridal gowns don't come cheap, even from thrift stores, so I settled for a vintage dress. So I became bloody vintage girl. Nice. The kids were scared hehe.

All in all, it was fun. The whole family was there, even our white cousins... (no pix of them though, we failed to get an appointment! Nyaha!) For once, Halloween and All Saint's day ain't as morbid as in the Philippines. On second thought, I actually love the morbidity...

Here are the pix, enjoy! Awooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Vampyra (Kris) and Bloody Vintage Girl (Keri)

Up: Kris, Keri, Leng, Gin
Down: Seger, Aaron, Madison

HAInaKU. Writer's Block.

2005-10-24T23:12:00.000-05:00

http://firstfridaysdc.com/Web2/Pictures/Page%20images/pen%20and%20paper.JPG

I have always considered myself a writer. Damn to hell whoever likes to think otherwise! I have medals to prove it and newsprint to throw in their faces. I am not being a proud wisecracker here. I'm merely stating a fact. Whether I'm a good writer or not, is up in the air. That is debatable.

Lately, I seem to be running out of inspiration and ideas. I think I'm writing about the same things over and over again. I want to write. But I don't know what about. Teachers say that the best solution to a writer's block is to write. About ANYTHING. Just write! So this evening, I ventured to write about some things I know... Presenting my out-of-sync-creativity-impaired haikus...

THE PIMPLE

A red swollen bump
Scared of benzoyl peroxide
Dying in my face.

CURLYHEAD

Twisting here and there
The bane of my existence
Tomorrow, you're straight!

FLAKY
Dry, dehydrated
Like a fungus on my skin
Exfoliation.

Ha! Who am I kidding, this isn't working!

Fall From Grace

2005-10-16T01:02:00.000-05:00

ICARUS. photo downloaded from the net, artist unknown

it was quite a feat,

wandering into the sun.

my father told me so.

he would give me wings

and teach me how to fly.

and my mother would watch

as i take flight

for the first time

little knowing

it would be my last.

go ahead, they said,

and view the clouds up close

and they promised to push me

so i could gain height--

little knowing

that my fear had consumed me

long before i pushed through,

long before they pushed me--

little knowing

that i cared less about the sun

and more about the ground

i would be leaving--

little knowing

that i cared not for golden rays

that i couldn't hold in my hands--

little knowing

that i was burning with misery

even before i felt the heat

of angry fire.

and like icarus

who flew too close to the sun,

i fell into the boundless sea

and let them watch me

fall from grace.

February 22, 2004

****

I came across this poem as I was cleaning my files from one folder. Sad. I wrote this right after I found out that the decision to leave the country was final. No ifs and buts. I had a terrible premonition about my stepping foot outside homeland soil. Nothing fatal. Worse. I thought I would be suckered into the American dream.

More than a year later, I have put my point of view in its proper perspective. While I still do not relish the prospect of emigration, Patricia Evangelista was right. We now live in a world that has no bounds. So that should cause me no grief. After all, Manila will wait for me, I'm sure. Meanwhile, let me suck the marrow out of this American siesta I'm taking. Carpe Diem!

The Mystery of Pinoy Slang

2005-10-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

A strange thing. Every year, like a thief sneaking behind my back, something big and new gets added to the Filipino colloquial vocabulary.

Last year, the Friendster bulletin board was being flooded by "Heller!" I had no idea what that meant, and neither did my sister.. so when I finally touched base, there it is. The new "Hello". Heller?!??
And then this year. The new addition is "AMP" or "AMF" or "AMPNESS". Another word whose etymology is still suspect-- to me. The hell? Please, somebodY! what does this mean???

This is sorta like that year, I believe it was 1999, when I was out on hibernation... When I finally went out to greet the world, BAM! Suddenly, I'm hearing new words that I couldn't fathom.. Words that may or may not have significance in my life, that just the same, are there for the swallowing. Grammar and linguistics are usually my forte. But this here, ah that's the trick part.

To date, the biggest "new" word to me is "Partida". And this was something Eric, Whillie and Vincent had trouble teaching me to use. Ha-ha. I'm a slow learner when it comes to Filipino made-up/slang vocabulary. I think I used the better part of my Junior year in college trying to use "Partida" in a grammatically- and structurally-correct sentence.

But I graduated from that (although I am rarely in a situation that calls for using this word). So now, what's that word again? "AMP?!?!"

Enter the Fall Equinox

2005-09-30T00:36:00.000-05:00

It's almost the end of September and just a week ago Autumn or Fall officially began. While most trees have yet to turn yellow and dry up, save for some maple trees, Minnesota is still on the green side. Good.

Fall begins on the day of the autumnal equinox, when the day is exactly the same length as the night. A lot's been said about pagan beliefs about the equinoxes but for me, it only signals the start of a season. One that I am not quite ready yet to face. Why? Autumn= cool temps. Cool temps= doesn't agree with Kerrie.

And what a way to celebrate Fall than to fall, literally, from a staircase! Last night, at around 3 am, while attempting to retrieve a pair of socks for my cold feet, I missed the last two steps of the stairs and fell, and sprained my pretty left ankle! And while I was lying on the floor, alone in the dark, writhing in serious pain, wondering whether I have broken a bone or merely bruised my foot, I thought how fate must be playing tricks on me. Here I am in the US, stupidly refusing to buy an insurance policy and darn well falling off the stairs. I would probably need medical attention and it would cost me a bunch.

Why couldn't I have fallen from our stairs in the Philippines, where I have at least some insurance? Fate's answer? Our floor in the Philippines is concrete, here it is carpeted. Good for me then , huh? Yeah. Right.

****
FEATURING:

On the left corner,weighing 2000 lbs from Minnesota, "Buffalo Bill"! On the right, weighing over 90 lbs, from Philippines, "Tourist Kerrie!"

Hmm, Feels Like Home!

2005-09-21T22:23:00.000-05:00

There's a pretty big storm out there... Toppled trees everywhere, flood, the wind is too strong it's breaking car windows!!! There's also some power outages and I heard the traffic is unbelievable... Finally, sounds like the Philippines! Everybodys panicking, they don't know what to do... In the hallways, the only people that dont seem to care are the indifferent teens and the Asians who are used to this crap. People wondered if things like this happened in my country. My reply, why, yes! Many times over. So I sat there playing Snake-- beating my high score again while everybody wondered whether to go home and not get paid for the rest of the evening. And I am stuck at work, with hardly anything to do... No, I take that back, I'm actually doing most of the work coz some of the others have left already. Ohh, the humanity!

By the by, were still cut off from civilization. No phone lines again, ergo no internet line. So you'll understand if I'm so slow at getting anything new posted in here.

***
YAKKED AND BLABBED SOMEWHERE. Yesterday my guy, Vincent, had to go home early coz he had severe tummy pain. So when he told the boss, she told him to go straight to the hospital coz it might be appendicitis. Vincent's reply? "Ay wala na po!"
(If you didn't get it, he's already had hid appendix removed, dummy!)

Mysterious Alien Encounter?

2005-09-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

I have no recollection of that last post.. But this one is true.

I may have seen an unidentified flying object tonight.. SERIOUSLY! Why do I think so? My mom first noticed it and asked me if it was a star coz there was only one big, bright ball of light. I said it cannot possibly be a star, coz no star is that big--it's three times the size of a normal star. Even Venus in the dawn is not that big. There simply is no heavenly body seen on earth that's that big. So, we wondered. She therefore concluded it was an airplane since there was a landing strip nearby. Hmm. An airplane flying so low? Imagine one headlight-- IN the sky.

And then, that one headlight became two. A red one popped up beside it. So yeah, maybe it was a plane... Right? But then a small blue light turned on in the middle of the two existing lights. I dunno about you but I have never seen a blue light on a plane. But maybe that's possible. And even if that is so, it is illegal for planes to turn their lights on and off as they please.

Yeah, so perhaps it was just an airplane and I'm only convincing myself it was an alien so that I could feel special... But as far as I know, it is physically impossible for airplanes to hover. The only aircraft capable of that is a helicopter and I would know if that was a helicopter. It was not. There are no hovercrafts here, are there? Plus, an airplane can only move forward, never backward. If it wants to go back where it came from, it has to maneuver at an arc to go back. This one flew forwards, then backwards... or maybe I was just hallucinating.

What was that me and my mom saw at Crystal, Minnesota's skyline this evening? Was it an alien spacecraft? Or was it merely an airplane with malfunctioning lights? Nobody knows. That is a mystery.

***
YAKKED AND BLABBED SOMEWHERE. My five-year-old Americanized cuzzin Aaron is trying to learn to count in Filipino. "I-sa, Dall-wa, Tat-low, Apat, Leema, Uh-nim, PETER, walow, see-yam, Sampooo!!!"

Earthlings! A message.

2005-09-08T22:18:00.000-05:00

This is telegram message. From outer space. Tis hard to communicate. Been held captive by monster alien babies. No communication, no telephone, no internet. Only telepathy. This is telepathic communication to internet kiosk in Medtronic Headquarters, Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, USA, Earth. Very glad it works effectively. Have to go soon. Monster alien babies might catch me in act of this deed. Not very good for my beauty regimen. They like to sprout thick eyebrows on me little pores as punishment. Very hard to shave or pluck. Oh, i forget me message. This: Might not be able to post for long time. I told you, i am prisoner in Alien universe. Must find a way first to get shackles off me feet so I can run and find space ship to do cosmic jumps in space. But nuff about that. I am fine. Little disturbed but fine. Earthlings! Watch Skeleton key, tis disturbing! Voodoo people in New Orleans! And to think New Orleans is now sinking in sea water... Sad. But Monster alien babies like catastrophies. So they watch CNN all the time. And wait till Larry King drops dead. Bad alien babies! Baaad!!! if I don't make sense it is because of signal interruption from CNN. Don't pay me heed. I like to babble. Me losing signal... must... go... alien babies... get me... run.. after.. me pretty head... have.. to..go.. right aw

Sad, No Leather Exterior

2005-08-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

Having come from a tropical country, I have grown accustomed to year-long summer heat. The summer never fades, it never really goes away. The sun may tire of getting angsty--thus making the heat bearable from October to late January--but nevertheless,it is always there, in all its hot and fiery splendor.

Enter Minnesota, that vast desolate land up in the American Midwest. It's summer and you'd expect bearable weather but, no. The weather is simply schizophrenic. One moment there's sun, the next the clouds have turned green, there's hale! There's storm! A tornado touchdown is expected! And.. in a few minutes time, it has passed and we all get back to business. What storm?!

Now, me? Tropical girl. Me lovey the sunny. Not too much sunny, just a bit. Me lovey the coldee too but not when it's trying to give me frost bite! But circumstances handed me this strange twist of fate: "Tropical girl, go to desolate white, mountainous tundra.. Don't bring jacket, weather very good. Sweat, no more!" (Yeah, so MY fate is half-Japanese with bad English! What do you care?) I liked the prospect of non-perspiration. Rumor has it, Secret deodorant gives you dark underarms... plus, sweating just gives you more oily skin. So off to dry tundra I come.

It is almost the end of summer now. And Tropical girl is freezing! In 60 degree weather, no less! Puh-leeze! This is ridiculous. I loved the cool temps of Baguio, but this here, it's not even that cold. But I'm so cold today. The temp in my relatively warmer room says 68 degrees Fahrenheit. Outside, it's probably in the 50s. But I was not blessed with a leather exterior. Consider this: I NEED to wear a jacket whenever I watch a movie in a theater in the Philippines! Or when I go to a mall there! So you see, I have this inexplicable condition. Well, nothing I've been told of anyways. And to think that come winter, this could go to minus whatever degrees! Oh Mercy!

I would like to snuggle into something warm but then I am an intense animal lover, so no furry friend slash coat for me. Faux fur, perhaps... I'll be the only one wearing fur in friggin' Autumn! Ha! That's a sight for sore eyes...

*Disclaimer: Minnesota isn't exactly desolate, and it's not really a tundra. There's probably ice under the soil but there's lotsa trees and animal life here than just lichens. It's more of a taiga, but tundra just sounds way more dramatic. For those of you who "forgot" what that meant, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary,
tun·dra Pronunciation: 'tun-drah noun Etymology: Russian, of Lappish origin. A level or rolling treeless plain that is characteristic of arctic and subarctic regions, consists of black mucky soil with a permanently frozen subsoil, and has a dominant vegetation of mosses, lichens, herbs, and dwarf shrubs; also : a similar region confined to mountainous areas above timberline
***

YAKKED SOMEWHERE. My favorite line in the movie, A Series of Unfortunate Events? "Ga!" Uttered by cute little Sunny... by the way, Jim Carrey and Meryl Streep are amazing in this film, go see it! And let's talk about it in my tagboard!

Chitty Chitty Bangs! Bangs!

2005-08-16T22:55:00.000-05:00

The Salem Family (hair) Tragedy

*A brief backgrounder, the Salems are my mother's family.Fact 1. By some karmic twist, most of the Salem grandchildren are girls. Fact 2. The family matriarch was curly-haired, the patriarch, straight-haired. And so the tale begins..

Every girl dreams of having nice, long black hair, right?--the damn advertisements feed that longing. So if you were a fully developed homo sapiens specie, then you would have developed some rational sort of thinking right? So, say you were born with nice, straight hair, it should follow that that is the same hair you're going to grow old with, right? Is that too farfetched an analogy? Am I being stubbornly insipid here by making such a conclusion? Am I about to cause a benign tumor in Aristotle's head by speaking such? I don't think so. Logic points to straight being straight, bent being bent and gay being gay. Period.

Alas, a curse of some sort has befallen my family. I do not pretend to know when this began, but I would sure like to get to the root of the matter... The curse goes that, on our 10th birthday, the UNRULY, FRIZZY HAIR shall replace our tame, gentle, smooth, silky mane! While some lucky cousins have been spared, seven of us were touched by it. Oh, mercy! And we'll have to live with these options to look more "together": the muriatic acid-laced straightening procedure, the 1st-degree-burn-inducing straightening irons, or the bank-account-murderer hair rebonding process. It really depends on your pain threshold...And it shall never behave again.

So after years of being curly, and years of causing myself harm by going through lengths to keep my hair tame a.k.a. straight, the original curly splendor are sprouting again. Tutchangs are everywhere again. Alas, the frizz shall be back again. So whilst I wait for doomsday to happen, I decided to cut my hair. And get some bangs! I have never had bangs since my 6th grade Graduation! And since I don't need to look mature anymore to be a believable 20-something, I cut it.. and now, more than ever, I look like a 12-year old!

She-bangs! She bangs! Ooh baby! *music by William Hung

Well, I'm loving the bangs as of the moment. In three months time, the curls would reappear, and seeing as salons cost an arm, a leg and cute little butt cheek here in Minnesota, I'm guessing my curly hair will stay that way until I get back to Manila. Sigh. The irony of life.. it gives you joy then all too soon, takes it away.

****

YAKKED SOMEWHERE

Finding the bus in the station, the driver gone and my sister, my Mom and myself on the station bench, this poor American lad asks us slowly and deliberately, "Wheerree---isss---tthhe--dddrrriiiivverrr???"

Yo, Joe, we said we're Filipino, we didn't say we were deaf!

A Bit of Bitter Butter

2005-08-09T10:56:00.000-05:00

I've been looking for many things in my life, some trivial, some life-changing, some.. just plain material. Well, to each his own, right?

So, for years I have been looking for these two things that fall in the latter category. They would make me happy and the search has been quite a challenge, and for years, quite futile. But now! Eureka! After a looong and seemingly fruitless search, I have struck gold. Twice.

First: The Usual Suspects. This film is 10 years old, and one of the best whodunnits ever told. With a powerhouse cast, (well powerhouse to the film buff.. but if u can't relate I'm sure u'v seen these actors somewhere), a beautiful, well-crafted story and a beautiful,young director to boot, this couldn't go wrong! Heck, it won 2 oscars for pete's sakes. I've seen this some five,six years previously but I have never found it since. And now! and now! I finally found it at Hollywood video. I rented it! It is still magnificent! The catch? The damn DVD is scratched! And worse, we didn't see the ending! Jeez. Some good things never last.

Second: Master of Murder. Christopher Pike's closest thing to an autobiography. IT's not but it almost was. I have all of CHristopher Pike's YA books, save for five. And this one is sooo elusive. I have gone to every National Bookstore I could find to look for this, but to no avail. At last! Another Eureka moment! At a used books store called The Book Hive, I finally found what I've been looking for! Nondescript, dog-eared but still very much whole.. The Master of Murder. The catch: I have no time to READ the friggin' book!!! Sigh.

Sometimes life gives you bread--and butter to boot. Thing is, life's a prankster and when u taste ur sandwich, it just doesn't taste quite right. But thank God for the bread anyways..
*****

YAKKED SOMEWHERE:
After hearing that I am fretting about gaining 3 lbs.. My cousin Mike, aka RicePuff Daddy reacts: "What is she talking about?!? Look at me, I'm a happy hippo.."
RicePuff Daddy

Requiem

2005-08-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

Raul Roco,63

I'm extremely tired but I just want to write something about Raul Roco. This guy was my favorite politician. (Okay, I'm not getting votes for him here so if u don't like him, let's agree to diasagree.) I had a pseudo-crush on him since the Kuratong Baleleng case began and was televised on Channel 4--coz he was the chairman of the Blue Ribbon committee back then and boy, was he so impressive. That case didn't amount to much--except to dust Ping Lacson's shoes but I just love Roco. He's intelligent and..very cuddly. hihihi And i love his "r"; it's the Bedan "r" which sounds like rrrrrrrrrrr... Rrrraul Rrrroco! Ahihihi It's sad about his death. But hey, when the other side beckons, you have no choice. What's in this lifetime to return to anyways? I'm in no hurry, but if I'm called, I'm there in no time. Well. God bless Raul Roco.

***Beginning today I'ma write some stuff some people said that I find amusing. Featuring: "Yakked Somewhere"

The honor of the first yakking comes from Raul Roco himself:
"When I was 20, I wanted to change the world. When I was 30, I wanted to change my country. When I was 40, I wanted to change my province. By the time I was 50, I was trying to change my community. But when I reached 60, I realized I needed only to change myself."

If only Gloria could think this way.. but in a much MUCH quicker timetable.

HurricaneKerrie vs the friggin' Microscopes

2005-08-03T01:36:00.000-05:00

**Kung galing ka sa Friendster blog ko.. hindi talaga kulam un. Un ang sinasabi ng mahal kong si Gramms tuwing nasasamid kami o nabulunan, o nahirinan..
SIGING SIGING!
HULI KALAG!
LAGPOT KALAG!

At nawawala nga ang nakabara sa aming mga trachea.. aba, baka nga kulam yun..

***

--Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit may lihim na galit sa akin ang mga... microscopes. Mabait naman ako sa kanila. Wala pa naman akong minomolestya, binasag o winalang microscope pero kahit noon pa, wala kaming magandang history. Kahit mahal ko ang biology, nakakakita lang ako ng malinaw na micro organism kung may ibang nag-ayos ng microscope. At kanina, kailangan kong gumamit ng microscope at naku! Wala nanaman akong makita!
Tuloy, tinuruan ako ni Leigh gumamit ng 'scopes.. May nakita ako.. pero hindi pa rin malinaw. Pero sabi ko malinaw na kasi baka sabihin ang slow ko naman.. kaya lang hindi nya alam na may lihim na galit talaga sa akin ang mga microscope.. bow.

-Bisitahin nyo lahat ng nakalink sa akin.. lalo na si Super Itik!

In Search of the True Thespian

2005-07-31T23:08:00.000-05:00

Went to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today! Yipee!!

Johnny Depp is just an amazing actor. Everytime I watch his films, it just becomes an affirmation of his gift as a true thespian.. Haha, you would think that his role as Willy Wonka is his breakthrough performance of all time.. Right, he deserves to win the Oscars this time round.. *im rolling my eyes here* Now, seriously, this statement comes biased coz Depp is a character actor, so he gets to exercise his acting skills. When was the last time he made a "normal" character? Oh yeah, Finding Neverland. All the rest were ..characters. Capt Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Carribean, Edward Scissorhands, Don Juan deMarco.. Someday, like director Ridley Scott, I hope he gets his first Oscar. He's been touted the "Best Actor" of his generation (where Al Pacino and Robert De Niro were in theirs) and yet, he's been overly nominated he should get a special award already. Well, maybe he's so above the Oscars.

For me, the true thespian becomes the character. When the actor plays the role, he is no longer the actor. He is the character. I have three names for u: Johnny Depp, Russel Crowe and Jack Nicholson. Whenever u watch their films, they cease to be Hollywood actors. They're Capt. Jack Sparrow(Pirates), Maximus Aurelius(Gladiator) and Melvin Udall(As Good As It Gets, thanks Leng!). And you can never think of the character without thinking of them. There can never be anyone else who can do the role justice. That's why I get to thinking perhaps, Daniel Radcliffe is getting to be a real actor.. coz to me, he's just Harry Potter. :D Can't imagine Haley Joel Osment in the role (he wanted the job). Well, tell me which actors make the cut for u..

Oh yeah the film.. was colorful, imaginative, creative.Heck,if I had kids, I'd let them see this one.. except I'd have to let them distinguish between Depp's Wonka and Michael Jackson.. hehe U have to be broadminded, you know. I can't decide whether I like the oompa loompas; if u do watch it, tell me if u are more annoyed or more entertained by them. ;p All in all, I give it 7 out of 10 for sheer entertainment and creativity. Tim Burton is at it again! Now I wanna watch his "Corpse Bride" due September (with Depp still), The Skeleton Key and The March of the Penguins. I lurrrve penguins..

and here are some movies coming up here:
Poster's nice so I decided to pose..

The 40-Year Old Virgin.. may be a cult classic.. errr..
The Da Vinci Code. This one I'm really looking forward to.

Day's over. Ain't that a bummer.

***Disclaimer*** Pixes are deliberately small

Payday and Snow cones!

2005-07-30T00:07:00.000-05:00

Ahh.. today was a good day. No, a great day. You know why? Today was payday! :D Let's just say I'm liking what I'm getting especially since, from the looks of things, I'm earning the same amount of money in three days, what I would have gotten in my old job in the Philippines for a month! Which takes me to this: have I finally been warped? Have I finally succumbed to the charms of the American Dream? The answer is quite simple: Nope.

I am here in Minnesota because as of the moment, I have no non-consequential choice but to be here. And I cannot leave because I have no ticket to get home. Hence, I took my first job as cashier to earn enough money to save up for a roundtrip ticket. I quit that place 2 weeks ago, now I got a new job. Longer hours, work's easier,pays better. I get the better end of the deal. I'm only doing what I have to do. And neither have I been blinded by money, although, shame on me, I really AM happy that I'm getting so much. But realistically, people need this to get by. Anyone who says otherwise is painfully idealistic or is just plain warped. I have a future to take care of. That's precisely what I'm doing this for. I mean, if I'm gonna have to stay here, might as well make the most out of my stay, right? or maybe I'm just consoling myself...

****
We went to Crystal Frolics today. That's a.. erm, perya, in Pinoy terms.. There were rides, food, games, stuffed toys, a band.. FUN! But we didn't do anything but get our pictures taken

and buy snow cones.. hehe

Ciao for now!

The Madness!!! The Madness!!!

2005-07-28T03:26:00.000-05:00

The Madness begins... There comes a moment in a person's life where sanity just abandons the bearer and leaves a void that may never be filled again. A black hole. An abyss that sucks the marrow out of one's life. There is no choice but to surrender to the helpless arrest of confusion. The parallel universe beckons. And there, one claims true freedom. Everything is unhinged and no screw is on place; but at one point, it is in the most illogical moments that one sees things with the clarity of crystalline imagination. Madness isn't madness at all. In fact, it makes the most sense.

*****
she
stares at the ceiling
of sapphires on lapis lazuli
above
the moonlight crystal
gloats at her shattered ego
she
blinks the pain away
the stars blink back,
to mock
and shoot her with daggers
as if the pain may get any worse.
ironic
if not paradoxic
the truth keeps opening the wound
bleeding
intoxicates her soul
and feeds her guilt
tonight
with the sky as the witness
the madness erupts.

The Madness
July 01, 2005